Dearest Trinity,
As I reach middle age, my health, looks and sex appeal are dying out. Don’t you think suicide at middle age is better than letting old age kill me?
Aging, Hollywood, FL

Dearest Aging,
I often lay my head on the lap of my plastic surgeon and cry for the same reason, but I’m learning to respect life, aging and so must you. Suicide is for cop-outs and losers. Now start raising your consciousness, start seeing the beautiful life that’s ahead and stop dwelling on the aging process. Darling, it may also be time for a makeover and to start getting some emotional help!

Hey Trinity,
I was doing great until the IRS called. Now the tax auditor is making my life hell. Help!
Audit Axed, New York City, NY

Hey Axed,
The one thing people fear more than God is the tax auditor. “60
Minutes” did a story showing the cruelty of an IRS audit. The IRS said “they’re” trying to get better. So, pumpkin, get an accountant and/or a lawyer friend to help you. That which doesn’t kill you will make you stronger! (I got that way after much trial and error, which is evident in my cartoon.)

Dear Trinity,
I’ve been dating someone for almost a month. How many dates does it take to know if it’s working or not?
Going To Work, Dallas, TX

Dear Going To Work,
Question! How long does it take for a seed to sprout? Answer: If you’re blinded by love or stricken with low self-esteem, then it may take a while to notice nothing is sprouting. If you follow your intuition, then you’ll know in a few dates. And, baby, if by five or six dates there’s still no mutual love, lust or joy then find a new gardener.

Hello Trinity,
It’s my partner! More often then not, he acts as if he has no brains or common sense. I need more!
Needing More,
Washington, DC

Hello Needing,
You can get counseling, a separation or, honey, make him read:

Trinity’s Smart Tips For Having Wisdom And Common Sense
1. Boundaries: OK, you have an open relationship, but you are hitting on your BF’s best friend and you’re bragging about it. (Dating — and life — means practicing good boundaries!)
2. Traveling: For a week you played houseguest by yourself, at your in-laws without offering to clean up after yourself or take them to dinner! (Being a houseguest means giving gifts!)
3. Religion/Politics: You love pushing your religious and political views on people. (Talking about religion and/or politics means having healthy discussions and sharing ideas, not yelling about who is right!)
4. Money: You borrow $2,000 from your cousin and avoid visiting, calling or making payments. (Borrowing money means paying it back with integrity!)
5. Sex: You have unprotected sex with a one-night stand and kick they’re drunken butt out in a snowstorm! (Sex means being responsible for your partner’s health and safety!)
6. Expressing Your Feelings: Just because your lover says, “How are you?” doesn’t mean he/she wants to hear all about your dramas. (Expressing yourself means talking about the bad while including the good.)
7. Stubborness: You’ve repeatedly been told, “It doesn’t work when you do that!” But, you still do it. (Being open-minded means trying different things differently!)
8. Hosting a Party: You throw a B.Y.O. drinks and food party and refuse to clean up before or play hostess during. (Giving a party means transforming your slum into a welcoming center not a do-it-yourself disaster!)
9. Job Interview: You arrive late, with a bad copy of your resume and refuse to take off your sunglasses. (A job interview means making the best first impression.)
10. Relationship: Seven years together, but the last two years were without sex. Your partner says, “I’ll try anything!” and you refuse. (Relationship means working together, not separately.) : :

— With a Masters of Divinity, Reverend Trinity was host of “Spiritually Speaking,” a weekly radio drama, and now performs globally.

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