Dear Trinity,
I stood someone up, but apologized and now he won’t answer my calls. What’s the big deal? I called 24 hours later and I had a good excuse?
Ignored, Dallas, TX

Dear Ignored,
24 hours! Have you ever stood, waiting 24 hours for anything, especially to hear someone’s lame excuse? The truth about standing someone up is that it makes them feel a) abandoned, b) like you had something better to do and c) that he or she better get used to being second on your list. When you care about someone, you run to them, not stand them up. Next time, honey, call 30 minutes to six hours before the date to cancel it. But, for now, try flowers and candy!

Dearest Trinity,
Why does it seem like all the good men are taken?
The Single Blues, Elizabeth, NJ

tt_392_110813Dearest Single Blues,
Not all the good men are taken, some of the bad ones are taken too. Happy couples argue, ignore each other and have many troubles that they don’t let you see publicly. So, pumpkin, enjoy being single because one day you’ll have someone to privately fight with! (The dilemma is spelled out, even in the dark, when you take cues from my cartoon.)

Hey Girl,
I’m a fine looking lesbian and some nights I get hit on by every girl in the bar, but other nights I’m invisible. Why is that?
Hit Or Miss, Boston, MA

Hey Hit Or Miss,
Socializing is always hit or miss. It could be the crowd, the music, the moon, the lighting, where you sit or just the energy of the night. There really are no rules for why you’re a woman magnet one night and the next night you’re the invisible woman! So, baby, on the nights that no stingrays are stingin’, go home and watch a good comedy. Sometimes it’s just best to stay home!

Hello Trinity,
My boyfriend of six months just broke up with me. He’s so evil. Why do all breakups have to be evil?
Good vs. Evil, Prince Edward Island, CAN

Hello Good vs. Evil,
Many men who have fewer brains than a fish fossil can simply be evil and you just dated one. Listen, sweetie, sit down, sip a martini and email him this list:

Trinity’s Timely Good & Evil Scenarios For Breaking It Off
1. First or Second Week — GOOD: Just say, “I’m not interested.” EVIL: Ignoring all calls and emails.
2. Two to Four Weeks — GOOD: Calling to say, “ It’s not what I’m looking for.” EVIL: Calling to say, “I’ve found someone else!”
3. Up to One Month — GOOD: Live or by phone breaking it off. EVIL: Sending an email or leaving a phone message breaking it off.
4. One to Two Months — GOOD: Full communication! They deserve it! EVIL: Disappearing without a trace.
5. Three Months — GOOD: Clearly, to his face while sitting with him explain, blah, blah, blah! EVIL: Continuously standing him up just to make him hate you.
6. Four to Six Months — GOOD: Speak lovingly, compassionately and understandingly while ruining her dreams. EVIL: Ending all sexual activities, thus forcing her to go to someone else.
7. Six to Eight Months — GOOD: Breaking it off at a nearby park or beach. EVIL: Breaking it off on some remote island with no easy way out for three days.
8. Eight to Ten Months — GOOD: Letting him catch you crying because, “You’re not in love anymore!” EVIL: Letting him catch you with someone else!
9. Ten to Twelve Months — GOOD: End it, then giving her a few weeks to ease out of it. EVIL: It’ll all seem evil at this point, honey!
10. After a Year — GOOD: At a beautiful dinner and after some wine saying, “I want to be friends.” EVIL: At the same dinner saying, “I want to sleep with your friends!” : :

info: With a Masters of Divinity, Reverend Trinity hosted “Spiritually Speaking,” a weekly radio drama performed globally, and is now minister of sponsor, WIG: Wild Inspirational Gatherings, Learn more at

Lainey Millen

Lainey Millen was formerly QNotes' associate editor, special assignments writer, N.C. and U.S./World News Notes columnist and production director from 2001-2019 when she retired.