At the end of each year, Qnotes staff reflects on the extraordinary work completed by people in our community to select our annual Person of the Year. Many amazing individuals stand out as accomplished leaders and advocates, urging the importance of Diversity, Equity and Inclusion (DEI) in Charlotte and beyond. This year, the staff chose to recognize a woman who’s been instrumental in growing allyship and educating the public about the importance of acceptance and support for LGBTQ+ folks as the 2023 Person of the Year.
Arriving in Charlotte from Connecticut in 1995, Karen Graci originally came to North Carolina to be the Human Resources Director at the Deloitte consulting firm. As a mother, Graci always worked hard to be there to support her kids regardless of what the circumstances might be. When her daughter came out to her eight years ago, Graci knew she had to step up and educate herself on LGBTQ+ issues and learn how to be the best ally to her daughter.
That journey led Graci to PFLAG Charlotte, one of several chapters of the national organization PFLAG. Since those first meetings she attended, she went on to become the executive director of the Charlotte chapter until she recently stepped down in September of this year.
In recognition for her devotion to educating the community and advocating for queer people in Charlotte and beyond, Qnotes caught up with Graci to talk about her time spent with PFLAG and her advocacy for the LGBTQ+ community.
Taylor Heeden: When did you first come to Charlotte?
Karen Graci: I was an HR professional, doing work around specifically women in the workplace at that time in the ‘90s. A job opportunity came up with Deloitte and my husband had just finished his graduate degree in finance, so we said this would be a good time for us to move. We were ready and hoping then to start a family ,and we felt like this would be a good place to start a family.
TH: So, how did you go from HR to advocacy work?
KG: When our youngest child came out as a member of the (LGBTQ+) community, it just felt like the right time to really acknowledge how much learning and educating I needed to do. There was this void of education and support opportunities for families to try to learn and support and understand their loved ones. So it seemed like the right time to go to PFLAG. We found PFLAG because a therapist we knew from the West Coast said “you need to find your local PFLAG chapter.” I’ve really leaned into ally ship because of everything I have learned through PFLAG.
TH: What were those first meetings you went to at PFLAG like?
KG: There was a small group of us who were all parents of kids that were identifying as community members in some way. Some of them were young kids, some more teens like mine, and we just realized that there was this void in our community. So, that is really when what we call “PFLAG Charlotte 2.0” happened in 2014-2015. We asked, “what can we do to help grow this organization?” Honestly, it was just providing more help, support [and] resources that people didn’t know about, and also bringing more [of] all those types of opportunities and awareness to the Charlotte area. There was a lot of good stuff happening, but there was space for an ally organization.
TH: How did your work evolve over your time at PFLAG Charlotte?
KG: When we first said there’s an opportunity here in the community to bring education to families, we were specifically focused on the healthcare space. We partnered with the local medical society in the county and through that and Atrium Health to bring educational programming to healthcare providers, because it really wasn’t happening in med schools. This is very, very specific information. It’s so important to just heighten awareness and education for healthcare providers on serving the LGBTQ+ community, specifically for trans folks or gender diverse folks whose needs might be different than other members of the community. That was really our focus for the first couple of years.
We realized that education is so important and many spaces need this, so we expanded our educational programming beyond just the healthcare [environment] to bring these spaces to schools. We’ve done education and our family support has continued to expand, which was always the core of what we do.
TH: So let’s talk about that peer support. What is the typical approach?
KG: It’s meeting individuals and families right where they are. We can walk with them at a pace that works for them so they can fully support and advocate for their loved one as needed. Peer support has always been really the core of what we do, and that started when we were formed here in 1989. It was in 2015 through 2018 [that] we really leaned into educational programming on peer support.
TH: It seems like education is a critical part of the work you do. What would you say are the biggest accomplishments you had while working at PFLAG?
KG: We have so significantly expanded our peer support opportunities, and we have been much more intentional about specifically reaching communities of color. Our programs are very focused and what I liked is the balance of education and data, coupled with experiences of community members and parents, depending on who we are speaking to.
We launched our corporate partnership program and we have applied for a lot of grants. So from a funding perspective, we were really, really intentional about growing our organization. Our budget has grown tenfold in about a five year period.
I think now the next chapter is honestly inviting people to lean into advocacy in the way that works for them. Whether it’s voting, sharing your story, bringing educational programs to companies, organizations or social circles that people are part of, there’s so many different ways people can really become advocates. In 2024 we’re going to need that in ways like we’ve never ever needed it before. It’s so important.
TH: You mentioned part of the reason you got involved in advocacy was because of your daughter. Can you reflect on that time in your life and what you were feeling?
KG: One of the first emotions I felt as a parent was just profound sadness. Because I think kids in particular are very good at masking, pretending everything’s fine when it’s not. We are an incredibly close knit family. There’s four of us, but how did I not see my child was really struggling? How had I not seen that? Connecting with as many parents as you can through PFLAG and talking to health care providers and mental health providers to understand helped me, and [so did] seeing how I can take whatever skills that I may have and putting them to work for the broader good for the community.
TH: What is your advice to parents who are in the same situation you were in with your daughter?
KG: The first thing you should say to your child is thank you. They have shared their deepest truth with you, and that’s huge. Then listen and keep listening and keep listening. Remind them you love them for who they are and [that] isn’t going to change. But also say, I might have some learning to do on this.
If I could do it again, I would say I am so proud of you, thank you and how can we support you? I think that as a mom, or dad or just as a parent or as a sibling, knowing that you’re there to support in whatever way [you] can sends a huge message.
TH: So what’s next for you? What’re your future plans?
KG: This leadership experience I had has been so life changing and transformational. For me, it’s been such a gift to just be a part of it. Now I know I have given what I can for PFLAG, so now, I’m so excited for the next leader for this organization.
Allyship and advocacy can look different for each person and part of this is giving ourselves the gift of time to honestly listen to the community and what it needs. The universe has ways of guiding you, leading you towards what’s next; it is a pause with intention to reflect and discern, and that’s the beauty of life.
My own journey as an ally will always continue, and I think part of that is giving yourself time to breathe and truly listen as you [discover] what is next.