If you are not the biological parent of the child you and your same sex spouse had together and you haven’t done an adoption, you are at risk, even if you are on the birth certificate.
Although not a North Carolina case, look up Oklahoma Wilson and Williams v Vaughn. It is heartbreaking. A similar case in North Carolina could have the same awful outcome.
For queer people having children together, North Carolina law is blunt, even harsh, when it comes to who is a fully, legally recognized parent in our state. To be a fully, legally recognized parent you are either biologically related to the child or you adopted the child.
That’s it. It is not enough to be on the birth certificate. It is not enough to be married to the person who gave birth. It is not enough to be the one who quit a job to stay home with the child or to have shared custody or to pay child support.
You need to know that being on the birth certificate is only an indication of parentage. Nothing more. If you are not biologically related to the child, meaning either your egg or your sperm was used to conceive the child, or you didn’t do an adoption, then you risk not being treated as a fully legally recognized parent. It’s a very big risk. There have been cases in other states where the court said since the non-biological parent could have done an adoption but didn’t, then they aren’t a parent.
However, there is something you can do. Adopt. If you are married to the biological parent then it is handled as a stepparent adoption. In this adoption, the bio-parent retains their parental rights and you join them with equal legal parental rights.
For people who are not married and have or plan to have children, talk to an attorney knowledgeable in queer family formation to discuss your options.
Also, you may have heard of a Judgment of Parentage or a Parentage Order which may give legal parentage rights. I am not a fan of either, especially given the legal and political climate against our families. In my opinion, they aren’t as understood as adoption and they don’t have the years of legal precedent as adoption.
You can protect yourself and your family by doing an adoption.
Connie J. Vetter is an attorney in North Carolina. She recently received the 2026 Leading Family Law Practitioner Award from the National LGBTQ+ Bar Association. For more information visit CJVLaw.com
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