Happily settled in Charlotte’s Plaza Midwood neighborhood is a guy who once asked for a hippopotamus for Christmas. Imagine his surprise when his nephew took the request to heart and sent him a giant stuffed hippo as a Christmas gift.
Hopefully, the impact of that memorable present is something its recipient knows all too well — because making an impact is precisely what Tom Warshauer has spent much of his life doing. With a smile that makes you want to lean in for a hug, Warshauer has devoted decades to giving others the gift of empowerment through the many projects, initiatives and causes he has championed and supported.
Now 70, Warshauer says he has “taken advantage of every age and stage [of life], choosing to live without regrets.” During this interview, the retired Wilmington native reflects on a life rich with purpose, the lessons he has gathered along the way, and his past and continuing contributions to communities fortunate enough to benefit from his passion, generosity and diverse skill set.
L’Monique King: So, you’re not a native Charlottean?
Tom Warshauer: No, but I’ve been in Charlotte for 35 years. I moved in 1990 with the intention of being in Charlotte for two years and not a day more. I also didn’t expect Charlotte to grow on me the way it did. There’s a study that says in your mid 30s, you tire of moving around. If you’re comfortable [in a place] you tend to stick around — it’s held true for me. By the time I arrived in Charlotte I felt like I wanted to have old friends and didn’t want to keep moving. So many of the leaders in Charlotte didn’t come from Charlotte; that was appealing for me. I found other cities were more about maintaining old established programs and institutions, whereas Charlotte was about developing new things — developing visions of what could be. Charlotte proved that it was a city that wanted to include everyone and the type of community I wanted to be part of.
LMK: Since we’re talking neighborhood growth and change, what are your thoughts on balancing neighborhood development with preserving the culture and affordability of the Charlotte community?
TW: This is deep and complicated. I think all cities are struggling with affordability and issues of gentrification. It’s a significant problem across America and all over the world. The cost, character and composition of a neighborhood create lots of different areas of discomfort. I think it’s great that neighborhoods change, but we need to work harder to afford people the opportunity to keep up with that change. It’s a significant problem with complicated solutions, but what’s missing, what’s left out of the equation, what we need to pay much more attention to is people being paid what they are worth for what they produce and have contributed to companies, so they can have economic choice to be able to live where they want. It’s disappointing that we don’t have more discussion about corporate wage gaps.
LMK: Is there a special someone you share your life with in the community you’ve called home for nearly four decades?
TW: Yes, Andy Dews, for 20 years. It took me a lot of looking to find the right guy, and I found him in Charlotte. He’s a great cook, and I like that he’s a very curious guy who really likes to understand what’s going on in the world. I like how open he is to new experiences; we travel really well together. He’s a retired pediatrician who loves cooking, reading, playing piano and entertaining. He’s a great guy for me to be with.
LMK: Let’s switch topics a bit from special loves to favorite foods. What food could you never give up?
TW: Watermelon and ice cream — not together [chuckling] — but I really love both of them. My first job was at Baskin Robbins. My family has a tradition of throwing ice cream parties, and I just discovered this year that dogs love watermelon too. So now my dog and I both enjoy it.
LMK: Outside of indulging in a few sweet treats, now that you’re retired, how do you spend your time?
TW: I travel more. I work on some architecture projects. I was an architect before I worked for the city [of Charlotte]. Nowadays, I’m [spending my time] learning how to garden with native plants, reading and deepening some of my relationships with my family and friends.
LMK: What was it like being community and commerce manager for the City of Charlotte?
TW: I thought I had one of the best jobs I could have for myself. I loved working with my community, particularly those whose voices weren’t always heard. I was on the carrot side instead of the stick side, so I loved developing programs that helped people do the things they wanted to do in their communities. Studies informed [the programs, projects and initiatives], but the community chose the path. We never told people what to do, they decided that. It was very rewarding. I was there for 30 years and retired in 2020.
LMK: In all your years of service, what accomplishment are you most proud of?
TW: [Long thoughtful pause] Maybe the neighborhood matching grants program that was founded by the city. It gave neighborhoods identity with signage, art and more. I’m proud of things that empower people to do what they want. I was also a part of introducing the Public Art program to the city that brought art to our streetscapes. I’ve been very fortunate in Charlotte to be in community with people that wanted to do so many wonderful projects. Whenever we wanted to do something, every step along the way there were people who also wanted to do the same. There’s been nothing that I’ve done that I did on my own. There have always been amazing people along the way that were supportive, and I don’t take that for granted because it’s not about me. It’s about finding partners and other people who want to do those things as well.
LMK: I understand you’re currently involved in the upcoming Legacy to Liberation Civil Rights Tour in Alabama. Participants will visit museums, landmarks and historic sites that illuminate the Black struggle for civil rights and freedom. Why do you believe this experience is especially important for people who are not members of the Black community?
TW: I think there’s a lot we’ve never learned about the struggles of the Black community in America. We weren’t taught the real stories about what happened, during slavery, Jim Crow and today. We need to understand, not just for the Black community but for ourselves. Secondly the movement for liberation always had very diverse [populations of] people who supported civil rights, from Bayard Rustin to Quakers. When people are being picked up by ICE, discriminated against or overly policed, it impacts all of us. We need to see ourselves in this movement, and I hope that by learning more about Black history it will help us see the parallels between the struggles then and today. There’s a lot to learn and come to terms with it.
LMK: Who are your top three LGBT icons or historical figures you wish LGBT youth people knew more about?
TW: Bayard Rustin, Pete Buttigieg and Abraham Lincoln.
LM: Abraham Lincoln, was he an LGBTQ community member?
TW: There seems to be irrefutable evidence pointing to him having significant loves in his life that were men. The language at the time didn’t support him being called “gay” as he would be today. Things like literary references [between men] to men’s thighs that today would be comparable to references to men’s behinds. But, it’s important to note, gay liberation didn’t come from people of notoriety. It came from [ordinary] people just living their lives. Harvey Milk wasn’t loved by the wealthy of San Francisco. Lots of people make a difference from where they are, and they don’t have to be rich and powerful. So it’s important to study Stonewall and who took the risks for making change.
LMK: What concerns you most about aging as a mature gay male?
TW: I guess continuing to be relevant and staying engaged. I like having all sorts of people around me. It seemed easier when I was young to be around older people, but as an older person it’s more difficult to be around young people. When you leave the workforce and retire you have to be much more intentional about your social life. When you retire, the world becomes smaller in many ways.
LMK: When you think about our nation, do you see positive political change coming any time soon?
TW: Oh God. I like to live in a state of optimism and find that very difficult these days. If there’s any place I do find optimism, it would be in people looking for real change, radical change to systems. People have been thinking they can tweak things, but I think these last few years have made us more aware of the need for more structural change that has been needed for many years. I’m frightened that this country will not correct itself and that the damage that Trump has done to us will take us forever to recover from — if at all. Honestly, I’m afraid that I’m living in Germany right before Hitler. We’re facing a situation where great courage will be required. Germany was welcoming to the LGBT community and Jews before Hitler came in.
LMK: If money were no challenge, how would you spend the rest of your life?
TW: I’d probably be more philanthropic. And oh, since I’m over six feet tall — I would love to always have more leg room when I fly [no matter the class].
This story is brought to you by Rosedale Health and Wellness and Dudley’s Place.
