Dear Trinity,
My ex just moved back to my area after being away for seven months! Not a call or a letter, nothing! Now, he wants to get back together. Don’t you think seven months is too long to keep someone hanging and expect them to get back together?
Ex-Troubles, Provincetown, MA

Dear Ex- Troubles,
Why that dirty, no good! If it were me, I’d never take him back, never let him love me, never. What? Seriously, pumpkin, don’t be righteous and full of pride. That’s boring and too right-wing for anyone in Provincetown. People make mistakes and need time to figure it out. If he apologizes and explains his mistakes, then don’t waste anymore time. Today is the first day of the rest of your life, so forgive him, rewrite some new rules for both of you and try again! That’s life!

Hello Trinity,
My girlfriend dumped me with absolutely no explanation, leaving me an angry mess. I demanded an explanation, but she avoids me. Help!
Wanting Completion, New Haven, CT

Hello Wanting Completion,
No answers, no closure, nothing! It’s like a sudden death. Maybe you’re too clean, too friendly or too wild. But, whatever the reasons, sometimes people decide they don’t like someone and never get up the nerve to tell them. Welcome to the dating world. It sounds cliché, but you must move on! You must get a healthy attitude. Think positive, act positive and feel positive with everything about you. Sweetie, listen to Kelly Clarkson’s song, “What doesn’t kill you makes you stronger.” This too shall pass like a bad meal. I promise. (Try to have a healthy attitude. I’ll explain how when you take a look at my cartoon.)

Dearest Trinity,
I’ve been a happy gay man since I can remember. However, a month ago at my 40th birthday, I surprisingly ended up in bed with a woman. Since that night we’ve started spending time together. I’m not as confused about it as I am disappointed in my friends who now treat me like a Republican. Where do I go from here?
Friendless, Minneapolis, MN

Dearest Friendless,
As far as your friends are concerned, you did turn Republican. The gay rights movement depends on everyone at the front lines and I think they feel like they lost a soldier. But, we both know better. Whether it be a straight man discovering he’s gay or vice versa, you allowed yourself to be more than you thought you where and that’s what makes a soldier a commander-in-chief. Now, honey, not only do you get to be bisexual, but you get to see how loyal your friends are. That’s life and you’re really livin’ it.

Hi there again Miss Trinity,
Not long ago you graciously answered my letter on “How to find a date.” But, you never mentioned what to do once I’m on that date. I’d love some tips!
Barfly No More, San Diego, CA

Hi there again Barfly No More,
This time cut it out and glue it to the back of your cell phone case.

Trinity’s Profound Tips For Dating
1. A little mystery evokes intrigue and flair, but too many secrets evokes trouble in the air.
2. Dating someone exactly like us, promises a date with the most boring one on the bus.
3. Low self-esteem needs therapy, not compulsive dating.
4. People who have good relationships with their parents often have good relationships.
5. When our problems become our conversation, dinner alone becomes our occupation.
6. Too much work and not enough play makes Jacqueline a dull girl!
7. Who we choose to date is directly related to how we see ourselves!
8. When one substance abuser dates another, it’s time for a documentary not a relationship.
9. Communicating communication communicatively is our greatest ally.
10. Looking to find that perfect mate, who’s at their ultimate potential? Then become a necrophiliac! : :

— With a Masters of Divinity, Reverend Trinity was host of “Spiritually Speaking,” a weekly radio drama, and now performs globally.

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