She cheated on us.
Okay, that’s dramatic. But hear me out. I’m pretty sure I voted for Tricia Cotham in 2022. I lived in her Charlotte district; she was the candidate for the Democratic party.
I had another choice. Republican Tony Long was on the ballot. Cotham won with about 59 percent of the vote. But did I carefully research her before I voted? Probably not. Was I being lazy? Maybe.
I thought I knew the basics. Democrats generally believed this. Republicans generally believed that. Sure, there were conservative Democrats and moderate Republicans. Politicians could disagree with their own parties. They could work across the aisle. They could even change their minds.
But I thought there were some basic agreements. If you ran as a Democrat — if you asked Democratic voters and LGBTQ+ organizations to support you — I assumed that meant something. Apparently, Equality North Carolina did too.
Cotham didn’t just receive Equality NC’s endorsement. She sought it. She had been endorsed by the organization multiple times and received its Legislative Leadership Award in 2013. When she returned to politics in 2022, Cotham wrote that Equality NC’s endorsement was “very important” to her personally. She got it.
Voters elected her. Democrats elected her.
Then, in April 2023, Cotham announced she was becoming a Republican. And suddenly this wasn’t just about changing a letter after her name. Her switch gave Republicans the veto-proof supermajority they had fallen one seat short of winning in the 2022 election.
That’s where the cheating metaphor stops being funny — because Cotham didn’t simply change parties. When Cotham switched parties, she took the power of her seat with her. And then came the votes.
Equality NC rescinded its endorsement of Cotham in June 2023. The organization made clear that it wasn’t punishing her for becoming a Republican. It said she had “materially misled” the organization and voters by taking positions contrary to those she’d presented during its endorsement process.
Equality NC brought receipts.
Cotham had identified herself as pro-choice. She later provided the decisive vote to override Gov. Roy Cooper’s veto of North Carolina’s new abortion restrictions.
She told Equality NC she supported allowing transgender students to participate in sports consistent with their gender identity. In April 2023, she voted for the so-called Fairness in Women’s Sports Act, restricting transgender girls’ participation in girls’ school sports. When Cooper vetoed it, she voted to override him.
Cotham voted for legislation restricting gender-affirming healthcare for minors. When Cooper vetoed that bill, she voted to override him too.
She voted for the Parents’ Bill of Rights, including provisions affecting how schools handle discussions of gender identity and students’ requests to use different names or pronouns. Cooper vetoed it. Cotham voted to override that veto too.
This isn’t about a politician evolving on one complicated issue. It’s a pattern. And voters couldn’t do much about it.
Had this about-face happened in one of the states that permits recalls of state officials, voters could at least have attempted to remove their representative before the next election. Nineteen states have such recall provisions. North Carolina isn’t one of them.
If someone gets a job after telling you they believe in A, B and C and then immediately start to do the opposite, you probably aren’t required to keep paying them for two years because they interviewed really well. But elected office isn’t a regular job.
We couldn’t fire Cotham. We had to wait.
Then there is Tim Moore. Yes, I’m going there.
Around the time of Cotham’s switch, rumors circulated that she and then-House Speaker Moore were romantically involved. Moore denied they were dating, and people close to both told The Assembly they did not believe the two were romantically involved.
There is no established evidence of an affair. But here’s the thing: their documented political relationship is much more interesting than the gossip. Moore acknowledged that he had talked with Cotham about joining the Republican Party before she switched. He said he’d told her the GOP would welcome her.
Cotham’s switch gave Moore and House Republicans their veto-proof supermajority.
That’s a relationship worth examining whether anybody ever went on a date. Because politics is about power. Who has it? Who wants it? Who gives it to whom? And what happens after they get it?
Three years later, House District 105 gets another say. And this time, nobody gets to say we didn’t know.
We know what happened after Cotham switched parties. We know what she voted for. And we know just how much power one seat can carry in Raleigh.
Cotham is running for another term. This time her Democratic opponent is Matthews Commissioner Ken McCool. Equality NC PAC has endorsed McCool and included him on its 2026 list of “pro-equality champions.”
That’s encouraging. But forgive me if I’m a little more cautious about endorsements these days.
I want McCool to tell us himself. His campaign talks about affordable housing, public safety, education, smart growth and utility costs. Those issues matter. But what about LGBTQ+ North Carolinians? Where does he stand on transgender rights? Gender-affirming healthcare? Reproductive freedom? The Parents’ Bill of Rights? The legislation restricting transgender students in school sports?
And perhaps most importantly: What would he do about the laws Cotham helped put in place?
I shouldn’t have to look at an Equality NC endorsement and fill in the blanks. Tell us.
Maybe that’s the lesson Cotham taught me. Stop assuming. A “D” by your name isn’t enough. An endorsement isn’t enough. A Pride flag on a campaign website isn’t enough. And telling us you’re an ally definitely isn’t enough.
Show us. Tell us what you’ll vote for. Tell us what you’ll vote against. Tell us what happens when your party leadership disagrees with you. Tell us what you’re willing to risk when protecting marginalized people becomes politically inconvenient.
That’s what we need now. We need to ask better questions. We need to pay attention after Election Day, not just before it. We need to look at voting records instead of campaign slogans.
And maybe North Carolina should have a bigger conversation about what recourse voters ought to have when an elected representative fundamentally changes the political bargain voters thought they were making. Changing your mind isn’t inherently dishonest. Changing political parties isn’t inherently dishonest. Voting against your party isn’t inherently dishonest.
In fact, sometimes those things require courage.
But representation requires trust. Equality NC said Cotham either misrepresented herself or turned her back on the marginalized communities that had relied on her advocacy. Cotham has offered a different explanation. She has said Democrats bullied and ostracized her and that the Democratic Party changed.
We got duped. And Cotham’s votes negatively affected transgender kids, LGBTQ+ families, people seeking abortions, immigrants, public schools and millions of other North Carolinians. So this time, we do our homework.
We talk to each other. Share information. Ask uncomfortable questions. Debate. Read beyond the campaign mailers and social media posts. Look at voting records. Ask candidates where they stand — and don’t settle for vague answers. Most importantly, we keep holding them accountable after Election Day.
Every relationship teaches us something. The Cotham lesson was a painful one.
So much of what happened was out of our control. We couldn’t stop her from switching parties. We couldn’t recall her. We couldn’t undo the votes she cast after she switched. But we can learn from it.
Maybe we’re a little less trusting this time around.
Is that cynical? Maybe.
But after the last relationship? I think that’s healthy.
This story is brought to you by Rosedale Health and Wellness and Dudley’s Place.
