I’m a lesbian who considers herself to be very feminine, by most standards, but I have an awful time dealing with other lesbians who act overly butch. I just don’t get it! Why do so many lesbians need to look and act like “dykes”?
Disappointed Fem., Harrisburg, PA
Dear Disappointed Fem.,
Everyone has a male and female side. Most women, gay or straight, who act overly masculine do it because of upbringing, environment or, as unbelievable as it may seem, because it’s natural. But, more importantly, darling, the trouble you have with masculine women may be in your acceptance of your own masculinity. So, when that magic moment comes and you start allowing yourself to see “dykes” as part of the great female puzzle instead of outcasts, then you might suddenly embrace their masculinity as well as your own. Now play ball!
You often write about relationships! What makes you such the expert? Can you share some of your relationship history?
Curious, Sydney, Australia
Um, my relationship history? I’ve been on almost 200 dates and am working on a book about it. I also read up on dating, as well as have been writing about it for almost 15 years. So, pumpkin, you should feel comfortable that I know a lot, maybe even too much. [Observer’s Notes: Crying uncontrollably, Trinity stops typing, runs to Ben & Jerry’s and spends the rest of the day in drama therapy workshops.] (You can see how I handle this dilemma with my “wall of dates” when you take a gander at my cartoon.)
I broke up with my boyfriend about two years ago. Since then, I’ve only had a scattering of intimate experiences. It seems to me that I get obsessive or neurotic when a lot of time goes by and I haven’t been intimate. Why is that?
Going Crazy, Des Moines, IA
Dearest Going Crazy,
You, I, everyone must be touched on a regular basis in order to survive. Did you know that orphanages in Manchester, England, at the turn of the century reported an infant death rate of 86 percent until one nurse started holding the babies on a regular basis. It was then that the infant death rate, in one year, dropped to an incredible 14 percent. You see, when we’re born the first sense we learn is touch. If we don’t get touched at birth, we die, as adults we just die slowly. I honestly think sex addiction comes from not enough touch. So, when you’re going crazy from not being touched, start hugging everyone. Get a huggable pet, get massaged, but, honey, get touched or accept your doom! Big, fat, smothering hugs to you!
I’m falling in love with someone I continually see in my hometown. But, I’ve only ever seen him from a distance. We’ve never talked or even met briefly. Do you believe in love at first sight?
Love At First Sight, Chicago, IL
Hello Love At First Sight,
I believe in love at first bite, not sight! Seeing is not enough! You must sample the pudding to make sure it’s not a plastic knock-off. Falling in love at first sight is like losing yourself in a dream, which, sweetie, makes you do crazy things that you normally never do. Even better here are:
Trinity’s Cautious Tips For Falling In Love At First Sight
1. Hear his voice.
2. Hug her, touch her, and feel her.
3. Spend time with him privately and publicly.
4. Know that when you’re in love your “self” gets carried away.
5. Ask lots of questions and listen clearly.
6. Search her name on the internet.
7. Don’t lend him your car, credit cards or internet password.
8. Ask friends to tell you the truth about her.
9. Be adventurous and free, but be smart about it.
10. Don’t give so much that you can’t bounce back quickly if it fails. : :
info: With a Masters of Divinity, Reverend Trinity hosted “Spiritually Speaking,” a weekly radio drama performed globally, and is now minister of sponsor, WIG: Wild Inspirational Gatherings, wigministries.org. Learn more at telltrinity.com.