Dear Trinity,
I just started doing drag, but there are so many words describing men who dress as women — like drag queens, transvestites or female impersonators — that my head hurts. Can you lay it out clear and simple?
Drag Head Aches, Key West, FL

Dear Drag Head Aches,
When gay men dress as women for fun, they’re called “drag queens;” when straight men do it, they’re called “crossdressers;” and any woman dressing as a man for fun is a “drag king.” However, if a gay, straight man or woman lives as the opposite sex 24/7, she/he’s called a transvestite and with a surgical sex change he/she’s a transsexual. Trans “sexual” meaning changed sex, trans “vestite” meaning changed clothes. “Vetements” is French for clothes. Now, honey, drag queens either portray a) glamorous Hollywood stars; b) cartoon-like female caricatures; or c) very upscale ladies in outfits to die for. When drag queens work lip-synching, singing live and/or looking like famous singers, they’re called “female impersonators” or “gender illusionists.” Some drag queens even create their own personas, like RuPaul, Dame Edna and Trinity (hey that’s me).

Dearest Trinity,
I’m going to ask someone on a date and I want it to go right. What’s the best night of the week to meet someone for a first date?
First Day, Portland, OR

Dearest First Day,
That’s a great question because there truly are better and worst days to go on a date. Wednesdays and Thursdays are prime first date nights because you’ll both have work the next day and have a set time to be together, i.e. seven o’clock drinks, then dinner, then home. Fridays and Saturdays are better saved for the third or fourth date. Mondays and Tuesdays are the worst date nights and Sunday, the lazy stay in bed day, is always best for consummating the relationship.

Hey Trinity,
My boyfriend is such a child. He always has something to say. Why do so many grown men act like boys?
Men 2 Boyz, New Foundland

Hey Men 2 Boyz,
From childhood. boys are taught to be competitive, self-sustaining and to do whatever they like.Girls are taught to be kind, family oriented and act like ladies. But, men can change if they hang around women who teach them to grow up. Listen, pumpkin, if you can train a parrot to talk, you may be able to train a man to shut up. (My cartoon sure can show you how!)

Hello Trinity,
Sometimes my lover looks and talks to other men. I also know he fantasizes about famous men. I tell him he’s cheating, but he says, “It’s not cheating, it’s normal!” Isn’t he cheating?
Cheated On Or Not, Greenwich, CT

Hello Cheated On Or Not,
Knowing if you’re cheated on or to what degree you’re cheated on isn’t easy. And, the more controlling you are, the more your boyfriend can mess up. Some types of cheating are normal, typical and even acceptable and are barely “cheating” while other acts are downright cheating. But, sweetie, to help you even further in finding out that most men are animals, here are:

Trinity’s Cheating Chart From Barely Cheating To Majorly Cheating: Barely Cheating
1. Looking at someone you may find attractive.
2. Talking to someone you may find attractive.
3. Making alluring comments about an attractive famous person.
4. Meeting someone publicly for a business lunch.
5. Kissing someone goodbye on the cheek for half a second.
Majorly Cheating:
6. Kissing someone hello on the lips for more than three seconds!
7. Meeting someone privately for an intimate dinner.
8. Sleeping over at someone’s house for the night when you’re not too drunk to drive.
9. Visiting someone for the weekend that you may find
10. Having outright, down-and-dirty primate sex with anyone other than your prime mate! : :

— With a Masters of Divinity, Reverend Trinity was host of “Spiritually Speaking,” a weekly radio drama, and now performs globally.

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Tell Trinity, P.O. Box 23861 . Ft. Lauderdale, FL 33307
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800-637-8696 .

3 replies on “Drag queens, cross dressers and trannies…Oh, my!”

  1. Trinity,
    Transvestite does NOT refer to a person who lives 24/7 as the sex opposite what they were assigned at birth. Transvestite is a more clinical term for crossdresser that has fallen out of use (at least on this side of the Atlantic).

    There are many transmen (men born female) and trnaswomen (women born male) that live 24/7 WITHOUT having had reassignment surgery. There are many more terms such as transgender, pre-op, post-op, MtF, FtM, etc. I know folks that identify as each but I do not know ANYONE that identifies as a transvestite.

    I’d encourage you to attend a transgender support or social group and meet some real-live trans folks so you can learn more about us.

  2. To all concerned.


    ALL OF TVS, TSs, TGs, DQs, DKs, CDs, FIs and dother forms or ways ARE EUPHEMISMS FOR…. READ THIS….

    T R A N S V E S T I T E S!!!

    EUPHMISM = A FLATTERING, softer or less hard, insulting, discriminating manner for a ….>>>> T R A N S V E S T I T E!!!

  3. Maybe a few biological facts may help clear up the confusion. Or add to it :-

    Sexual Hormones and the Brain: An Essential Alliance for Sexual Identity and Sexual Orientation Garcia-Falgueras A, Swaab DF Endocr Dev. 2010;17:22-35

    –> The fetal brain develops during the intrauterine period in the male direction through a direct action of testosterone on the developing nerve cells, or in the female direction through the absence of this hormone surge. In this way, our gender identity (the conviction of belonging to the male or female gender) and sexual orientation are programmed or organized into our brain structures when we are still in the womb. However, since sexual differentiation of the genitals takes place in the first two months of pregnancy and sexual differentiation of the brain starts in the second half of pregnancy, these two processes can be influenced independently, which may result in extreme cases in trans-sexuality. This also means that in the event of ambiguous sex at birth, the degree of masculinization of the genitals may not reflect the degree of masculinization of the brain. There is no indication that social environment after birth has an effect on gender identity or sexual orientation. <-- For most people, 59 out of 60, which biological sex they are is completely unambiguous. For some though, it's not quite so straightforward. For example, most men have 46XY chromosomes, most women have 46XX ones. But 1 in 500 people who appear to be men - and a mere handful who appear to be women - have 47XXY chromosomes. The Catholic Bishops Conference in Indonesia have proclaimed that anyone with 2 X chromosomes is female, and demand that they get medical treatment to normalise them. A bit of a conundrum, as a very few have been able to father children, with technical help... Just to make things worse, some people are born with 5ARD or 17BHDD syndromes, and often appear female at birth. But they masculinise to a greater or lesser degree later in life. Great if they are boys, not so good for the girls though. The latter require surgery to stop the natural apparent sex-change. I say "apparent" as it's only the shape that changes, the neuro-anatomy, the thing that determines their gender identity, that's constant, and may or may not match the genitalia etc. Such people, with one or another Intersex condition - and I include Transsexuality in that - face a tough time, medically speaking. What makes it worse is ignorance and bigotry, that malign them as perverts. freaks, child-molesters etc. Comments such as Cynthia Peralla's, in fact. I'm uncharitable enough to wish that one day, she may have a chromosome test, and find out that she's one of the rare 46XY females - and thus legally male in some places. "A 46,XY mother who developed as a normal woman underwent spontaneous puberty, reached menarche, menstruated regularly, experienced two unassisted pregnancies, and gave birth to a 46,XY daughter with complete gonadal dysgenesis." -- J Clin Endocrinol Metab. 2008 Jan;93(1):182-9 It would be poetic justice for her to face the same kind of malice and spite she dishes out to others. A bit like a member of the SS finding out that they have a Jewish grandparent, and so are one of the Untermenschen they persecute. But perhaps not. In all sincerity, I can't truly wish that on anyone, "poetic justice" is too cruel, as justice should always be tempered by mercy. I'm intersexed by the way, one of the really rare syndromes. Like 5ARD, but in the opposite direction. Fortunately, my gender identity is strongly female, so it was a release from Hell for me.

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