My partner constantly says, “Communication is everything. If you ‘want’ a relationship, you have to ‘want’ to communicate!” Really?
Why Talk, Indianapolis, Indiana
Hello Why Talk,
How important is communication to a relationship besides a good martini you ask? Well, how disastrous would life be if cellphones stopped, U.N. translators stopped or airport communication towers just shut down? Communication really is the foundation to every successful interaction, including relationships. So, honey, if you want your relationship to soar, you must learn to love communication which includes: accepting the word “no,” compromising and agreeing peacefully to sometimes disagree. Oh, and respect. Without it you’re just another murder trial on Dateline TV!
I’m in month three with my new boyfriend, and it seems like I have to be secretary, cook and chauffeur. I don’t mind it, but does dating mean acquiring a set of degrees and licenses too?
Back To School, Boston, MA
Yes, dating does require someone to become handyman, housekeeper and honorary judge, never mind psychic and philosopher and therapist. Sorry, sweetie, but if cats need nine lives for the perfect life cycle, you may need nine professions for the perfect relationship. Good luck. (My cartoon sure shows how diversified someone has to be to have a successful relationship. It really is amazing how all of this looks on paper, right? Who would have thought this of the outset a first relationship, let alone any that come after it.)
My girlfriend and I have been dating monogamously for nine months. However, I still fantasize about my ex. Controlling my desires is tough enough, but do I have to control my fantasies too?
Mind Over Matter, Houston, TX
Dearest Mind Over Matters,
Everyone fantasizes. It’s healthy, but you really need to be fantasizing about your new mate. So, let’s try NLP or Neuro Linguistic Programming. It works like this: visualize a clear, colorful picture of you being intimate with your ex, then make the picture black and white, then blurry, then let it get smaller until it disappears. After you do this a few times simply bring back a new picture of you making love to your new girlfriend. Start it small, blurry and black and white, then make it bigger, clearer and more colorful. It’s that simple, darling! And if this fails, change girlfriends!
After living in Wilton Manors (Florida) for many years, I notice that most gay men are ready for action at any moment of the day or night. If I want into this “game” how can I make a good player?
Men Of Wilton, Wilton Manors, FL
Dear Men of WM,
A good gay man knows how to make someone feel “right at home.” This includes making a good home before you have someone in your home. And, pumpkin, while we’re on the subject, here’s:
Trinity’s Smart Tips For How To Be A Gay Man And A Great Sex Partner
1. Preparation: Before lying down with someone, you must always prepare the perfect lighting.
2. Cleanliness: Gay men always promise clean bed sheets, period.
3. Respect: Gay men always turn off all phones and give roommates “the signal” to stay away.
4. External Mood: Gay men always keep the remote control for music and lighting at arm’s reach for easy adjustment.
5. Internal Mood: Gay men always have a Merlot, Shiraz or Cabernet around to help set the mood.
6. Tools of the Trade: In the second drawer of the nightstand, gay men always keep plenty of hand towels, lube and condoms, plus a few surprises.
7. Grooming: Gay men often trim the pubic area and genitals for a youthful glow.
8. Manners: Gay men always try to “finish” at the same time or help the one who didn’t finish first, finish last. No one leaves incomplete.
9. Charm: If one man is “dirty,” the phrase, “Let’s first take a shower together” always turns a disaster into a delightful rendezvous.
10. Finale: If man A explodes on man B, then man A always gets a warm cloth to wipe off man B It’s only polite!
info: With a Masters of Divinity, Reverend Trinity hosted “Spiritually Speaking,” a weekly radio drama performed globally, and is now minister of sponsor, WIG: Wild Inspirational Gatherings, wigministries.org. Learn more at telltrinity.com.