Dear Trinity,
After a year of being tied down in a relationship, I’m now free. But, when I told my ex I was going on vacation to let loose and experience endless sexual encounters, he told me that I was shallow and inconsistent. Is he right?
Wild But Guilty, Madison, WI

Dear Wild But Guilty,
What do you get when you take a shallow, inconsistent gorilla, who wants immediate gratification and a vacation full of used contraceptives? You get a wild zoo animal that becomes a star attraction. Seriously, sweetie, if you’re having deep feelings for being wild, then go for it, carefully. If it’s your reaction to some unfulfilled relationship stuff, then take notice to that! Be free. Don’t worry what your ex thinks. And, save me a seat at your petting zoo.

Hi there Miss Trinity,
Once in a while you talk about threesome relationships. Aren’t people who live in threesome relationships inevitably avoiding their own problems with monogamy and or twosome relationships?
Threesome Troubles, Savannah, GA

Hi there Threesome Troubles,
If someone enters into a threesome, long-term relationship are they avoiding a “regular” relationship? Of course. Though, not any different than someone who gets into a twosome relationship to avoid being single. Life, in its richest form, is not supposed to be easily understood. I’m always learning about threesomes. So, yes, darling, threesome relationships are crazy. Now would you please go find me a normal one! (Let’s see how to manage this threesome business when you take a look at my cartoon.)

Dearest Trinity,
I’m very interested in dating my close friend’s new girlfriend. They just met a month ago and now my friend is away for three months. Is this wrong?
While You Were Away, Dallas, TX

Dearest While You Were Away,
According to the book, “Back Stabbing, Conniving, No Good Friends from the Underworld,” asking a close friend’s new girlfriend on a date while your friend is out of town is, “the worst thing you can do besides microwaving live animals.” This is such a confusing question, honey, that I must quote Cher in Moonstruck: “Snap out of it,” accompanied by a slap in the face to help you wake up faster.

Hello Trinity,
Recently, I went to a party. The next day I found out that I drank too much and made a fool of myself. I have no more friends! Help!
Party Girl, New Orleans, LA

Hello Party Girl,
I often ask myself this same question. Inevitably, pumpkin, I do suppose there is a proper and improper way to behave at a party. So, here are:

Trinity’s Smart Tips For Attending A Party
1. Always bring at least a box of cookies. Don’t arrive empty handed, ever!
2. You’re going to a party not to bed. Look nice or casual, but respectable, like you spent a little time getting ready.
3. I know your fabulous and a snob, but making people feel bad and beneath you is something you should do at your own parties. Stay home!
4. You’re not at a funeral or football rally. You’re at a party, so act alive, but not to the point of being a cheerleader!
5. When you’ve had too much to drink, shut up and go for a walk! Please!
6. If you’re out to get your sexual needs met, you need not let everyone you meet know this fact!
7. When I’m nervous, I pick up a food platter and start serving. Within minutes I know everyone.
8. If you’re the type who must comment negatively on everyone’s outfit, personality or new boyfriend then you must be beaten to a pulp, period!
9. Drinking too much and driving is like drinking too much and driving! Dah!
10. The difference between group therapy and a party is that in therapy you tell everyone your problems and expect them to help you and at a party you tell everyone your problems and expect them to leave you. : :

— With a Masters of Divinity, Reverend Trinity hosted “Spiritually Speaking” a weekly radio drama performed globally and is now minister of WIG: Wild Inspirational Gatherings.

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