Hey Trinity,
I met a guy who asked me out, but after we had sex, he told me he was married. Why do we singles end up being play ponies for the married elite?
Play Ponies, South Hampton, NY

Hey Play Ponies,
It does seem like every time a single person or pony steps into the field or bar the odds become higher and higher that they’ll end up a play pony for an already taken jockey! Today, more and more couples are “playing” or “open,” especially in cities where gay couples and sexual freedoms are in greater numbers. And, for some reason, couples seem to “open up” after about three to seven years. So, honey, before getting taken for another ride, just come right out and ask, ”Are you married?” I do… most of the time!

Dear Trinity,
I’m a 48-year-old gay man who loves dancing, but the circuit parties are so filled with drugs and steroids that it’s depressing me. Is my gay generation silently ruining their lives in exchange for being bigger and higher?
Bigger & Higher, Montréal, QC

tt_398_013114Dear Bigger & Higher,
I agree, it is a silent problem that everyone likes to get high. It’s so strongly connected to the freedom of being openly gay, yet, silently connected to the destruction of gay men as well. When I’m at a circuit party, I try to create a healthy circle of friends that inspire my “clean” experience, while at the same time trusting that everyone around us is doing their best to get what they need out of life. Sweetie, that which doesn’t kill you will make you stronger… or at least higher? (My cartoon tells a story about choices. Decisions, decisions, what’s a gal supposed to do?)

Hey Trinity,
I’m in love and want to call my girlfriend every day, but I don’t want to call too much. Any advice?
Phone Or Not Phone, Peoria, IL

Hey Phone Or Not Phone,
I understand love and wanting to hear someone’s voice every day, even every minute, but, pumpkin, there are healthy and unhealthy rules that must be respected in the first few weeks and months of a relationship. Besides using good intuition for when to or not to call and letting someone get off the phone quickly if they’re busy remember, never call more than twice a day or three times a week (the first few weeks) and never leave long messages. The phrase “short and sweet” has lots of power!

Hello Trinity,
I love my boyfriend, but after a night at the clubs, he smells, we both do, but I can’t get him to shower. Then he wants to have sex, but he stinks. Help?
Cleanliness and Communication, Seattle, WA

Hello Cleanliness and Communication, Men, you can take ‘em out, but you can’t clean ‘em up. Listen, baby, on your refrigerator try posting:

Trinity’s Hard Tips For How to Prepare For Sex (without taking a shower) After A Night At The Bars
1. Before laying down, go down to the bathroom and…
2. If you smoke: brush your teeth, tongue and upper palate. If you’re sans toothbrush, put toothpaste on your finger and “fake” brush.
3. If you touched money, food or other hands, wash your hands!
4. If you’ve been sweating, wet some toilet paper and yes, wipe your butt clean!
5. If you’re uncircumsized, clean your appendage and if you’re circumcised, still wipe it clean!
6. If your breath is bad (which it is), use mouthwash.
7. If your feet smell, wet them, wipe them, then sprits a bit of cologne on them.
8. If your hair smells of cigarettes or sweat, wet a hand cloth and wipe it or run water through it.
9. If your armpits smell, apply some baby powder or just a bit of cologne.
10. Lastly, if you’re gassy, light incense and fart outside the bed sheets while romantically covering your lover’s ears. : :

info: With a Masters of Divinity, Reverend Trinity hosted “Spiritually Speaking,” a weekly radio drama performed globally, and is now minister of sponsor, WIG: Wild Inspirational Gatherings, wigministries.org. Learn more at telltrinity.com.