Dear Trinity,
Why do gay people always have to push the limits, like the way they dress, act and the art they produce? It’s often so over the top. When is too much, too much?
Too Much, Baltimore, MD

Dear Too Much,
Gay people often push the limits, set higher standards and even make some people say, “Quick, grab the kids!” Look at gay Pride parades versus a Veteran’s Day parade. Look at Mapplethorpe and Warhol versus a painting of a ship in the harbor. Look at Paul Lynde, Richard Simmons or look at me. To these gays I say, “Thank God!” Why, without very gay people, we’d still be living in dusty caves, wearing smelly animal skins and using wooden clubs to score our next mate. You know what, pumpkin, I think its time for an over the top, triple vodka martini, extra dry, extra twists and kill me with the olives!

Dearest Trinity,
Am I a fool to think that if I wait long enough, then one day I’ll meet the love of my life? Or, am I just wasting my time dreaming?
Dreaming, Oberlin, OH

Dearest Dreaming,
Of course, if you wait long enough you’ll meet the person of your dreams or you’ll keep compromising till you get a puppy. But, as long as you’re as aggressive and assertive as a bee seeking, honey, you will find your honey, Honey. We deserve everything the universe has to offer. Just wish for what you want and don’t be attached to how long it takes or what happens on the way. And, if worst comes to worst, then you’ll end up like me, an eccentric advice columnist, with an international singing carreer, a WIG ministry and a life-size cut-out of Bill Goldberg by your bed. (Mercy, see how I’m handling it these days via my cartoon.)

Hello Trinity,
During lovemaking I find it almost impossible to be passionate after I reach a climax. I get tired, lazy and unable to focus on pleasing my partner. I know it’s normal, but I’d like to figure out how to get past it.
Dead Beat, Tucson, AZ

Hello Dead Beat,
I noticed that you use the words “lovemaking” and “pleasing your partner.” These words demonstrate that you probably put a lot of work into lovemaking, thus you deserve a little R & R after a climax, but so does your partner. So, darling, try having mutual climaxes, try taking turns climaxing with some hugging, spooning and embracing in between act one and two and try going second now and then. And, ah…sorry, I must go take a cold shower now.

Hey Trinity,
I went to visit the Dalai Lama via the internet, of course, and found out that he has a top 20 list similar to yours. I was very impressed! I’ve sent it to you. And, oh yes, I love your column.
Your #1 Fan, Minneapolis, MN

Hey #1 Fan,
Thanks for the list and your support. I’ve decided to print some of the Dalai Lama’s tips for a healthy life. And, please, sweetie, read them mindfully.

Trinity’s Enlightening Tips From The Dalai Lama
1. When you lose, don’t lose the lesson.
2. Follow the three R’s: Respect for self, Respect for others and Responsibility for all your actions.
3. Don’t let a little dispute injure a great friendship.
4. Learn the rules so you know how to break them properly.
5. Remember that not getting what you want is sometimes a wonderful stroke of luck.
6. When you realize you’ve made a mistake, take immediate steps to correct it.
7. Open your arms to change, but don’t let go of your values.
8. Remember that silence is sometimes the best answer.
9. In disagreements with loved ones deal only with the current situation. Don’t bring up the past.
10. Judge your success by what you had to give up in order to get it.

— With a Masters of Divinity, Reverend Trinity hosted “Spiritually Speaking” a weekly radio drama performed globally and is now minister of WIG: Wild Inspirational Gatherings

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