National Coming Out Day is celebrated every year on October 11, recognizing the bravery of LGBTQ+ people who decide to come out and live openly. At Qnotes, we are dedicated to reporting on the LGBTQ+ communities across the Carolinas and advocating for a world where we all can be our true selves, regardless of gender identity, sexual orientation, race, socioeconomic status and more.
This year, Qnotes staff members were asked to share why National Coming Out Day is important to them and why it’s important to honor the courage it takes to be “out” in today’s day and age. Here’s what some staff had to say:
Taylor Heeden, Staff Writer
“There will not be a magic day when we wake up and it’s now okay to express ourselves publicly. We make that day by doing things publicly until it’s simply the way things are.”
This quote from Tammy Baldwin — the first openly gay U.S. Senator to be elected to office — came from a speech she gave at the Millennium March for Equality. She spoke directly to queer Americans, urging them to be out and be proud of who they are. By doing so, she argued it would lead to the normalization of non-heterosexual orientations.
National Coming Out Day was established in 1988 a year after the 1987 National March on Washington for Lesbian and Gay Rights and serves as a way to honor LGBTQ+ people who aren’t afraid to share their true, authentic selves with the world. It’s a day to honor those activists and community members who risked their lives and fought tooth and nail just to exist alongside their peers.
As a bisexual woman who is going to marry a cis, heterosexual man this coming April, I haven’t divulged my sexual orientation to everyone in my life, including some of my family members, friends, former colleagues and others. Part of me has avoided doing so because I am in what appears to be a heterosexual relationship, but it would be naive for me to say it’s just because of my relationship with my fiance. The truth is it’s been easier to hide aspects of my identity and mask myself from the world, but I’m tired of being afraid of what others may think of me. I want my family to know all of me, not just the parts I’ve let them see my whole life.
As Baldwin says, in order to destigmatize our community, we need to be out, proud and loud in ourselves. In honor of National Coming Out Day, I am ready to introduce myself to the entire world for the first time publicly: I’m a 23 year-old, bisexual disaster who loves romance novels, Taylor Swift’s entire discography, my amazing fiance James, and my cat who loves food more than me. This is who I am and who I’ve always been, and boy, does it feel good to finally say (well, write) those words.
L’Monique King, Staff Writer
National Coming Out Day is a great way of providing strength and recognition to those of us who are members of the LGBTQ community and desire to live fully by acknowledging to ourselves and others who we are. How we live and love is part of affirming our identities and often fuels us in our quest for equity and justice. Sometimes the equity we seek is in our own homes while at other times we’re working and advocating collectively for us as a whole. Whatever the case, coming out can be hard, frightening and even dangerous. Needless to say, it certainly takes courage – making days like National Coming Out Day even more important. I think this day gives us strength and courage. Now more than ever our voices and visibility matter.
For me, a femme with the blessing and burden of being able to socially camouflage, it’s a designated time to shout from the rooftops, “I am lesbian, out and proud!” It is an opportunity to be seen without being wrapped in rainbow colors or needing a visible connection to my butch partner or participation in an LGBTQ organization or event. It is also a time to reach back and assist any newly out person (struggling with identity and acceptance) with an outpouring of love and support.
David Aaron Moore, Senior Content Editor
I came out as a teenager, before I knew National Coming Out Day existed. I had a family that was encouraging during a period when most were not. Even though some acquaintances weren’t as accepting, I still felt fortunate. Family and any hetero friends of significance were happy to see me comfortable with myself and supportive of my long-term relationships, as well. I’ve never taken that for granted because I’ve known many people who have experienced rejection from friends and family and witnessed their pain.
Over the past several years I’ve had the privilege of helping my sister raise her son after her wife passed away (lotta’ queers in my family). One recent morning when I was taking my nephew to school we talked about National Coming Out Day. I told him it made me think of the many people I knew who were brave and bold and came out despite the adversity they faced, especially when being gay was called a crime and before marriage equality became law.
My nephew is now 14, and he recently confirmed he identifies as pansexual and part of the LGBTQ+ community, too. I asked him what he thought National Coming Out day meant to him.
“It’s a time people should be happy about who they are, come out and be proud of themselves,” he offered. “At least people who can come out without a problem.”
“What about people who can’t come out so easily, like some of your friends at school who have parents that don’t approve?” I asked.
“It’s a day we need to let them know we’re the family who accepts them,” he replied. “Especially right now. Trump made things all weird.”
His last sentence was simple, but straight to the point. It also made me expand my concept of what National Coming Out Day means now, even more so: be as out as you can on National Coming Out Day and every day to remind those who want to push us back in the closet and cancel our culture that we’ll never stop fighting for the right to be ourselves.
Chris Rudisill, Audience Engagement
As a writer and staff member for Qnotes and an artist working in the mediums of paint, fiber and photography, I feel it’s important to acknowledge the significance of the Keith Haring artwork that has become a symbol for National Coming Out Day. Haring, who died of AIDS-related complications in 1990, designed the original poster in 1988 for an organization known as National Gay Rights Advocates, who played a large part in creating National Coming Out Day. Jubilantly “coming out” of a black void, Haring’s signature yellow figure bursts into a room of color. It represents the freedom and joy that coming out brings. I didn’t come out to family and friends until I was in my early 20s and only at that time did I truly feel like I was completely revealing myself. As LGBTQ+ people, we spend so much of our early lives trapped by fear that is so-often fueled by religion, politics and human prejudice.
This National Coming Out Day, I hope we celebrate our full colors, our full selves. Whether you are young or old, if you came out this year or decades ago, sharing who we are brightens that void for others, welcoming them into the vibrant world that Haring’s work has represented.
Jim Yarborough, Publisher
When I was a young boy growing up in rural Alabama I had fun playing with other kids in the neighborhood, doing stuff like making mud pies with the girls and riding bikes with the boys. However, when we played doctor, I liked to play with the boys more than the girls. I did not talk about it, but I certainly thought about it. As I grew in age it became apparent that interest, or should I say, attraction to others of the same gender, was not something one talked about.
The years rolled by. I had experiences with some other teenagers and then some young men and a couple of young women.
When I moved away, with my job, I felt freer to be more active. I started seeing someone and, I guess you could say, he became my first boyfriend. However, I still did not talk about it.
One day we went to the mall. As we were walking around window shopping and people watching, out of the blue I turned to Will, my boyfriend, and said “Will, I am gay.”
A ton of weight immediately lifted off of my shoulders. I had never even said those words to myself, much less said them out loud to someone else.
To this day, I believe in the strength of words.