Hi Trinity,
After work, I like to go to the local bar for a drink. I often meet guys who act friendly, yet eventually get aggressive about getting into my pants. How do I turn someone away without being too rude?
Just A Drink, Milwaukee WI

Hi Just A Drink,
Such a polite question deserves some polite answers. First, put a ring on your wedding finger. Second, sit at the end of the bar so there’s only one seat open and toss your coat on that seat. Third, have one comment that scares people off like, “I can’t talk, my jealous lover is coming and I don’t need anymore trouble!” Fourth, try places like cafes or restaurant bars instead of pick up bars. And lastly, darling, try looking less seductive when you go out. One day you’ll be wrinkled and hard of hearing and wish this was your biggest problem! Good luck.

Hello Trinity,
Three weeks ago, I fell in love with a young man, however, I know he just wants to be friends. He is also moving out of state. Do I risk losing his friendship by telling him how I feel, or do I keep my big yap shut?
Totally Confused, Reno, NV

Hello Confused,
He, “just wants to be friends.” He’s moving out of state. And it has only been three weeks. Knock knock, is anyone home who is not obsessive-compulsive? It sounds like you’re lonely and swimming into unhealthy waters. So here’s a little poem I wrote just for you. “There once lived a man, who was alone. Until one day he got a bite of a lovely, young bone. But when he didn’t want to unclench, he got dumped into a trench until a cold shower and some self-esteem showed him the way home.” Pumpkin, shut up, grow up and let him go, please!

Dearest Trinity,
My lover freaks out that I take so long getting dressed when we go out, but it’s my one enjoyment. Must I stop taking my time?
Dressing Drama, Ft. Lauderdale, FL

tt_452_022616Dearest Drama,
If you need time, then take it, but start earlier or make later plans. This way, honey, you can take your time without taking so much of someone else’s time. (My cartoon sure shows how I deal with this situation. Hey, we all want to look handsome or totally gorgeous. There are all sorts of things you can do to up the anty. Just make sure it works for all concerned timewise. Can you say shortcuts?)

Dear Trinity,
My friends and family keep insisting that I’m gay. Maybe they know something I don’t. How does one truly know if they are gay?
So I’m Told, Kansas City, MO

Dear So I’m Told,
It’s hard to know who is gay or who just appears gay, especially if he or she doesn’t like rainbow stickers, HRC clothing or leather armbands. That’s why, sweetie, I created:

Trinity’s Top Secret Tips For Knowing If “You’re Probably Gay” (YPG)
1. Needing expensive colognes, fine shoes, upscale vacations and a Jack Russell means… YPG
2. If you cried when Susan Lucci got the Emmy in 1999 for “All My Children,” well then…YPG
3. Owning “Mommy Dearest,” “All About Eve” and the original “A Star Is Born” can only mean one thing…dah!
4. When you look at your fingernails with your palm facing down, guess what?
5. So, you love “Les Miserable,” “Wicked,” “Kinky Boots” and Cirque du Soliel, well…YPG
6. If your iTunes collection includes Donna Summer, Lady Gaga and Madonna, honey…YPG
7. Living with your mother, vacationing with your mother and/or including your mother in your social activities is wonderful and YPG
8. When you pull off your T-shirt from the sides up and over, instead of from the back forward, guess what again?
9. All your best friends are women. You don’t talk about sex with anyone. And you take unexplainable midnight walks then…YPG
10. Lastly, if you know these words: wall sconces, duvet covers and chenille throws well then…welcome to Oz, Dorothy!

info: With a Masters of Divinity, Reverend Trinity hosted “Spiritually Speaking,” a weekly radio drama performed globally, and is now minister of sponsor, WIG: Wild Inspirational Gatherings, wigministries.org. Learn more at telltrinity.com.