Dear Trinity,
One month into dating, my girlfriend’s job was cut cause of COVID-19, and “to save money” she and her two pets moved into my tiny ONE-bedroom apartment. Well, now five months later I still love her, but I want my place back. She never pays rent or utilities, and anytime I bring up moving it ends up a bad scene. I miss my alone time. 
Trapped At Home, Wichita, KS

Dear Trapped,
She doesn’t pay rent AND gets mad when you bring up moving! Why should she move, it’s free rent?  However, [smirk] you could make it less comfortable for her, i.e., tell her you’re moving out or that you’re quitting your job and need financial help! Most importantly, darling, you have to decide, “Do you love yourself or do you love her more?”
Good luck, Trinity

Hello Trinity,
There’s a budtender at my local dispensary who is so right for me. I visit him often at work and keep asking him out, but he keeps declining. Now I think he thinks I’m stalking him because I found his address and sent flowers. Help?
Yours, Stalking? Denver, CO

Hello Stalking,
When you find out someone’s not interested in you, yet you keep appearing at his job and sending flowers to his home, the only word I can think of is “stalking” which is the furthest thing from “starting” a relationship. So honey, chase guys who want to date you and far away from stalking guys who don’t.
Yours, Trinity

Hey Trinity,
I met someone great online, went to their home and they became a sex pig, spitting, pain and more. I’m not vanilla, but how do you tell if someone wants a “scene,” not just sex?
Gone Too Far, Toronto, ON

Hey Gone Too Far,
With one-night stands, you have to take a stand. Next time, just ask, “what are you into?” And then listen for key words like affection versus asphyxiation. Some think that to make love means to make war. If sex is an adventure, plan each trip wisely!
Hugs, Trinity

Dearest Trinity,
Since he invited me for dinner and a movie, I assumed it was a date, but after dinner we ended up in bed where he “accidentally” orgasmed and immediately asked me to leave, in the middle of a snowstorm. Was my beautiful date really just a bad one-night stand?
Shocked, Montreal, QC

Dearest Shocked,
He cooked, came and kicked you out in the snow. That monster! Sorry pumpkin, but yes you were yet another man’s toy. Next time read:

Trinity’s Scenarios for Knowing When Mr. Cool is Really Mr. Fool

  1. When meeting you for a date… she arrives unkempt, in greasy work clothes, unshowered and insists on fooling around!
  2. On every date… he shows up late and gets angry if you bring it up.
  3. At the club… she cruises without caring if you notice!
  4. While meeting your friends… they act confrontational, argumentative and self-righteous just to get a reaction!
  5. During dinner… her dinner arrives first, so she starts eating without waiting or offering to share it until your meal arrives.
  6. During conversation… he burps, coughs in your face and sneezes towards your food without any apology! 
  7. During a Netflix movie… you have to use the bathroom, but they refuse to pause the film because they’re “so into it!”
  8. At breakfast… he knows you’re vegan, but makes his favorite ham and eggs with no alternative for you!
  9. While making Saturday night plans… she says, “I’ll call you around 8:00 p.m. if I can make it,” without caring that you’ll be left without plans if she cancels.
  10. Lastly, during sex… he has an orgasm first, gets dressed and leaves without offering you an orgasm or post-sex cuddling.

With a Masters of Divinity, Reverend Trinity hosted “Spiritually Speaking” a weekly radio drama, performed globally and is now minister of WIG: Wild Inspirational Gatherings. Sponsored by: WIG Ministries, Gay Spirituality for the Next Generation!
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