I’m 36, fun, good-looking and very educated. I just can’t bring myself to go to LGBTQ bars, hook up apps or any other ridiculous place to meet other gay folks. So how can I meet my match without dumping my self-respect?
Yours, Roaming with Respect, Tulsa, OK
In gay life, gay bars, hook up apps and other meaningless acts are somewhat cultural and actually meaningful. It’s where gay people were first allowed to be gay. However, darling, it’s 2019, so you now can join a spiritual, political, educational or sports group in the LGBTQ community. Many gay folks exclusively go to these events. It will give you the self-respect you need while introducing you to many LGBTQ’ers who have found alternative meeting situations. And, lastly, when you’re at these events, please… talk, socialize and act interested. Being gay is really great, so sell your fabulousness like a new car, not a used one.
When I was single, I had lots of freedom. Even though I was lonely at times, my life was all mine. Now, I feel like I’m a slave to my relationship. Is my dissatisfaction all in my mind?
Trapped, Providence, RI
The way you see life is all in your mind, knowing that fact should give you freedom. So, honey, change in your mind what you can’t accept and accept in your mind what you cannot change! (Hey, my cartoon can sure show you how I deal with my “harem” when life becomes “interesting.”)
Is it always proper, even in gay dating situations, to hold the door, stand up when someone is leaving the table and walk someone to their door?
Thanks, Proper, South Beach, FL
Yes, it’s always proper, but establishing who’s the leader or follower takes time, or at least, takes a cocktail. Straights typically stick to the established rules. But until you know who’s who, go ahead, be proper, be courteous and be yourself. Yet, pumpkin, in those head-bunting situations where both are leaders, take turns and… take videos… and send me them!
I went on two blind dates last month, and everything went wrong. My compliments ended up insults, and everything else I said turned into babble. I want to sound like a poet, but I end up sounding like an idiot. Help!
Thanks, First Disasters, St. Louis, MO
Dearest First Disasters,
Yes, you do need some help, especially being yourself on first dates. However, sweetie, don’t be too much yourself if your style is hippy-poet-without-a-job, hint, hint. Even better why not read:
Trinity’s Poetic Tips For Destroying A First Date
1. LOOKING SLOPPY, unkempt or like you just got over the flu means planning a second date is not gonna happen for you!
2. LAYING ALL YOUR CARDS ON THE TABLE at first, leaves a waterlogged first date, with no chance of thirst.
3. DISCUSSING your financial, emotional or relationship TROUBLES is like placing your dentures alongside the champagne bubbles.
4. BEING false, PRETENTIOUS or telling over-inflated lies, is a big no-no unless you like short good-byes.
5. With charm, GOOD ATTITUDE and a dose of intent, you can rest assured this first date won’t end in lament.
6. PLANNING FUTURE trips together or expressing spousal needs can turn any first date into a meal you want to heave.
7. GOING TO a strip club, bathhouse or your favorite pickup bar with a new first date is the biggest faux pas!
8. HAVING TOO MANY sexual NEEDS or needing money to pay your way, is like violently murdering the bride on her beautiful wedding day.
9. If you have anything “special” that your first date might “catch,” SHARING this INFORMATION should come from your words, not your snatch!
10. And, lastly, EXPECTING THIS DATE to be “everything you ever wanted” is like forcing a child into a house that is haunted!
With a Masters of Divinity, Reverend Trinity hosted “Spiritually Speaking,” a weekly radio drama performed globally, and is now minister of sponsor, WIG: Wild Inspirational Gatherings, wigministries.org, Gay Spirituality for the Next Generation! Learn more at telltrinity.com. Send emails to: firstname.lastname@example.org.