Hey Trinity,
I’m openly gay and seeing a closeted guy for a couple of weeks. He hasn’t even kissed me yet. Am I wasting my time?
Kissless, Atlanta, GA

Hey Kissless,
Some closeted men won’t kiss till they’re sure they like someone. Also, some men hang around hoping they’ll become interested when they’re not sure. And, even other men are too nice to say they’re not interested for sure. That’s men, that’s dating and that’s life, pumpkin! Give it a month (that’s all) and if there’s no lip action, you’re beating a closeted horse!

Dearest Trinity,
I think my live-in boyfriend is stealing from me, but he swears he’s not. A few months ago, I also caught him drinking when he swore he wasn’t. If I can’t trust him, what should I do?
Caught Twice, Miami Beach, FL

Dearest Caught Twice,
When someone lies the first time, make a mental note, but by the third time make a dash for the door. Listen, honey, what a man says and does is often not the same thing! (See if I have learned what to do in my cartoon.)

Hello Trinity,
I keep dating people I’m not attracted to, but because they’re nice or generous, I try until eventually I can’t do it anymore. How do I stop this pattern without giving up dating?
Trapped In Kindnessville?, San Diego, CA

Hello Trapped In Kindnessville,
Being kind always takes precedence over selfishness. However, you are not responsible for everyone’s feelings. We all create our own good and bad situations so we can learn about life, love and about acceptance and rejection. Now, sweetie, to stop this “mercy dating” a) stop accepting dates from people you’re unattracted to by saying “No” immediately; b) wait before sleeping with anyone so no one gets hurt; and c) start approaching people you are attracted to! Dating means
feeling an attraction, be it intellectual, sexual or financial!

Dear Trinity,
Last month I introduced my new boyfriend and his X-rated tattoos to my parents. I’m afraid they’re still in shock. Why should I keep secrets from my parents? Shouldn’t they be part of my life too?
Freedom Of Speech, Vancouver, BC

Dear Freedom Of Speech,
To be honest, no! Your parents are not your parole officers. They need to be part of your life and the key word is “part.” You’ll understand one day, but for now start reading:

Trinity’s Sexy Secrets You Don’t Need To Share With Your Parents
1. You don’t need to share your S&M fetish lifestyle. The latex tuxedo you wore to your niece’s wedding was enough!
2. You don’t need to show off all your girlfriend’s tattoos? Just because she thinks Jesus being eaten by Satan is cool, your parents don’t have to!
3. You don’t need to disclose your fantasy-come-true relationship with the Las Vegas stripper/porn star. The lap dance at your father’s 60th was enough!
4. You don’t need to share the trials and tribulations of your threesome relationship! They live in Nebraska for God’s sake.
5. You don’t need to show off your boyfriend’s and your new piercings just because your mother likes jewelry!
6. You really don’t need to share your lover’s new silicon injected penis at your annual Smith family summer barbeque do you?
7. You don’t need to tell your father, his wife, your mother and her lover about your boyfriend’s night in drag, leading to his arrest. It’s not that funny!
8. You don’t need to let everyone know that you both take drugs strictly for sexual purposes. Isn’t anything sacred?
9. You don’t need to tell Auntie Em that your new date is with the Hells Angels. Didn’t she have enough troubles with your last ex, “the hit man?”
10. Lastly, you don’t need to tell your 75-year-old mother on her deathbed that your girlfriend is really a boy! It’s not always about you! : :

— With a Masters of Divinity, Reverend Trinity was host of “Spiritually Speaking,” a weekly radio drama, and now performs globally.

info: www.telltrinity.com . Trinity@telltrinity.com
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