When I was 20 I fell in love so easily. Now I’m 40 and I have trouble letting myself fall in love. Why is it so hard at 40?
Lost Love, Jacksonville, FL
Hello Lost Love,
Sure at 20, love meant long make out sessions to Bee Gees albums, but now at 40 love has to compete with long workdays, internet malfunctions and the aging process! So, honey, if you want love at 40, simply make time to find it instead of wasting time complaining about it. Go out more, make more “moves” on people you’re interested in and, lastly, make more dates. Simply make more time to find love and feeling it will follow, I promise.
Don’t you think therapy is a waste of time and money? Don’t you think we can get though our problems alone?
Skeptical, Denver, CO
Sure, sometimes you’re better off alone, but at other times you really do need more than one mind to get you through traumas, tragedies and men. Solving your own problems is sweet, sweetie, but often it’s better to hire a trained professional to help me, I mean you, deal with those no-good, lying, cheating men. Now didn’t letting that out feel good? (Get a bit of good counsel from my cartoon.)
I try to work up the courage to talk to guys that I find attractive, but I always say the wrong thing or nothing at all, plus that overwhelming fear of rejection. How can I get past my own shyness to tell someone I like them?
Too Shy For Words, Austin, TX
Dearest To Shy For Words,
To get over my shyness, my fear of rejection and my fear of saying the wrong thing, I took acting classes, Insight ® Seminars and pushed myself to just say “Hello.” Start by a) breathing a few times before approaching someone, b) letting your shyness be natural, it’s often more cute than you think, and c) start your night off with a martini. God made martinis for a reason, baby!
I frequently go to bars and chat online, but still no bites. What more can I do without spending every day and night looking for a date/mate?
Enough’s Enough, Detroit, MI
Dear, Enough’s Enough
It’s not enough to hit the bars or chat online hoping. Pumpkin, dating is work and a commitment to yourself by following:
Trinity’s Practical Dating Declarations
1. Practice: I promise to date even if “I think” it won’t work out, simply because it builds my character analysis and intuition.
2. Consistency: I promise to get right back on the dating horse even when I have more than two bad dates in a row.
3. Help: I promise to ask friends, relatives and coworkers to set me up on dates even if it’s blind dates.
4. Packaging: I promise to look and act my best and keep my problems to myself, at least until the fourth date.
5. Timing: I promise to be on time, be clear if I have to be late and be open to changing times if someone has to.
6. Honesty: I promise to be as honest as I can about my feelings even if it means telling someone what they don’t want to hear.
7. Obsessing: I promise not to call more than once a day or leave more than a few text messages in one day’s time!
8. Self-Respect: I promise to date people who treat me with respect and kindness and to do the same to them.
9. Survival: I promise to end all bad, self-destructive and/ordangerous situations even if it means leaving town for a week.
10. Lastly, Risk: I promise to give each date a chance even if
it means being less: self-righteous, self-loathing or self-indulgent. : :
— With a Masters of Divinity, Reverend Trinity was
host of “Spiritually Speaking,” a weekly radio drama,
and now performs globally.
info: www.telltrinity.com . Trinity@telltrinity.com
Tell Trinity, P.O. Box 23861 . Ft. Lauderdale, FL 33307
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