Dear Trinity,
I consider myself a strict top, but recently had an encounter with another top and I’ve been enjoying that side now and then. I find it pleasurable. Yet, now I am wondering if this activity makes me a bottom?
Bottom Blues, Roanoke, VA
Dear Bottom Blues,
I hope you’re sitting down, well, at least, leaning over. The truth is yes, shoving, I mean smartly placing a men behind you, stimulating you and receiving pleasure back there is the exact definition of a bottom. Welcome to Kansas, Dorothy! But, Toto, if you also like fudge packing, (oh, God, I didn’t just say that) I mean topping, then you simply have become a healthy, smart and open-minded, versatile man. Sorry…and congratulations!
Dearest Trinity,
I’m a great partner. I come home early, do all the bills, even cook great meals, but we don’t have sex anymore. After nine months, what am I doing wrong?
Domestically Sexless, Omaha, NE
Dearest Domestic,
Newsflash, being domestic has nothing to do with sexual enticement. It makes for a great lifestyle, but not a great love life. Watching you do chores is un-sexually stimulating, unless, of course, why not start cleaning, cooking and paying bills in something more sexy, more alluring, more naughty. Think undergarments, uniforms and more. Honey, think turning your home into a XXX movie. Think vavoom! (Look how enticing I am doing the domestic thing in my cartoon, sweetie!)
Hey Trinity,
I went to the bar, sat next to a really cute guy and we spent hours talking. He was great until he got up to leave. It was then that I discovered he was handicapped. Now, I’ve committed to a date and I’m not sure if I want to. Am I evil?
Handicapped Man, Indianapolis, IN
Hey Handicapped,
In life, we make choices, no different than if you found out he had a huge pecker, was a millionaire or only spoke French. If you’re not into him because of whatever, then you’re not into him, period. But, maybe, just maybe, you could go out with him, not because you feel bad for him, but because you feel bad for your own unadventurous, narrow-minded ways. Darling, he may end up being a French millionaire with a huge pecker, or is that my fantasy? Be adventurous.
Hello Trinity,
I fell in love, but she lives 1,500 miles away. Help?
1500, Memphis, TN
Hello 1500,
Surely, I can help you, but you may not want to read them. Sweetie, relationships are tough enough but 1,500 miles of, of…well start reading:
Trinity’s Negative Tips For Being In A Long Distance Relationship
1. You’ll always wonder what it’s like to live with someone, wake up with someone or have someone’s daily kisses.
2. You’ll know way too much boredom, way too much loneliness and far too much private time for someone who is supposedly in a relationship.
3. You’ll never truly know multiple nights, weeks and months of being part of a “team,” a “romantic couple” or part of a “home.”
4. You’ll always miss those fun/silly/simple nights together.
5. And, you’ll never be able to keep an eye on him, her or each other so… anything at anytime can happen. (Don’t cry yet, there’s more.)
6. Most of your personal and relationship issues will be dealt with over the phone, Skype or internet.
7. One of you will always be leaving, thus never really having that “perfect” family.
8. You may also at times feel like why bother dressing sexy, cooking a nice meal or playing romantic music when you’re… living alone.
9. And, you’re left on your own (once again) to completely take care of everything that needs fixing or to be paid for. (Don’t blame me, I’m just writing this stuff!)
10. Lastly, you’ll always be wondering, “Why in God’s name do I always feel single even though I’m not?” (Now, you can cry!)
info: With a Masters of Divinity, Reverend Trinity hosted “Spiritually Speaking,” a weekly radio drama performed globally, and is now minister of sponsor, WIG: Wild Inspirational Gatherings, wigministries.org. Learn more at telltrinity.com.