To Trinity,
My boyfriend moved into a house with four other gay men. Now, he hardly wants to be with me anymore. He also won’t talk about it. Help!
Disappearing Boyfriend, Coral Springs, FL

To Disappeared,
You got a big problem, yet an easy solution. Think gay algebra! When one man loves one man that equals one relationship, but when one man moves in with four other men and wants to stop seeing you that equals someone-screwing-someone-behind-someone-else’s-back, whether it’s in that house or not. The possible solutions are a) let him know he can be an animal and still be your boyfriend; b) let him know he cannot be your boyfriend if he doesn’t show more interest; or c) accept that he’s found a new boy toy and move on! But, sweetie, the equation is unsolvable unless you stay busy, go out with friends, start dating if it’s over and accept the challenges of life! This too shall pass.

Dear Trinity,
Men are dogs! They only want to eat and hump! They can’t keep a steady relationship, nor do they want to. Is there some training course to take?
Dog Tired, Kansas City, MO

Dear Tired,
Men, now that’s an animal in need of training, even more so than a dog. Remember, practice makes perfect. So, honey, keep training, keep trying and keep doggy treats in your pockets. (Check my cartoon out to see how I’d train ‘em!)

Hey Trinity,
When is it the right time to give flowers on a date?
Wondering, Seattle, WA

Hey Wondering,
A European lover once said, “It’s always the right time to give flowers!” And, if anyone knows, it’s those damn Europeans. However, I think receiving flowers on the first date is too much too soon or too serious too fast and appears like a “red flag” towards obsessive-compulsive, codependent or stalker behavior! That’s why, darling, I personally feel that everyone would be more comfortable receiving or giving flowers on the third or forth date or anytime after that. The exceptions to this rule include prom dates, prearranged dates or funerals.

Dearest Trinity,
When my last lover broke up with me I was devastated. Now, I have to do the same to someone I am dating. I really want to break the news at the right moment. But, when is the right moment or better yet, when is it the wrong moment?
Stuck In A Hole, Santa Monica, CA

Dearest Stuck,
Similarly, the first big question Moses asked God was, “How do I get rid of this Pharaoh guy?” And, after hearing God’s answer, Moses escaped, but with a lot of trouble. But, pumpkin, it would’ve been much easier if he read:

Trinity’s Trusty Tales For (TWM) “The Wrong Moment” To Breakup
1. You both just started your Middle East vacation. All hotel bookings, travelers’ checks and train reservations are in her name. She speaks eight languages and you none.
2. You’re talking to him via cell phone, just after his car crashes and he’s surrounded by paramedics.
3. You just finished signing the papers for your new house, your new life insurance policy and your new adopted baby.
4. Just after the doctor tells him, “I’m sorry, but you have an incurable disease!”
5. You’re in a plane, the flight attendant announces, “Both captains are dead!” And, your partner is the only pilot on board.
6. While you’re both at, The Pistol & Rifle Shop, he’s testing the new “Quick Kill Undetectable Handgun” and there is a power outage.
7. While opening her acceptance letter she says, “It’s the happiest day of my life!”
8. You’re in the middle, literally, of the most incredible sexual experience of his and your relationship!
9. While you’re on a month-long business trip, she is watching over your very sick mother, financial assets and your three cats and she calls you to say “Hi!”
10. When she hands you the winning, eighty-million-dollar lottery ticket and says, “Honey, look what we’ve won! : :

— With a Masters of Divinity, Reverend Trinity was host of “Spiritually Speaking,” a weekly radio drama, and now performs globally.

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