Dear Trinity,
About two months ago my best friend got his first real boyfriend. Now, we hardly talk anymore. I know he’s happy, but I’m losing my best bud. Help!
Left Out, Boston, MA

Dear Left Out,
First, let him know what’s happening. Second, make him spend time with you. Third, give it time, after a few months, his love cloud will shift, he’ll want to reclaim his pre-relationship independence and soon enough come running back. Darling, friends are like oceans, constantly moving — especially when the tides change.

Dearest Trinity,
I’m 20 and recently got a job with a museum. But, they want me to wear a suit. I’m not ready to become a capitalist clone. Help!
Suit Sadness, Kansas City, MO

Dearest Suit Sadness,
I, too, had the same issue until one day my fashion design friend helped me put together a “Kurt from Glee” style suit. You can have a suit that expresses you, just ask your boss if you can wear very fashionable suits and then find a store or a fashion student to personalize you one. And, remember baby, some people who never owned a suit would love to be in your shoes. (See my cartoon for sage ole wisdom, sweetie.)

Hey Trinity,
I recently started dating a man who told me, “He only gets gay when he’s drunk.” Do you think this is a sign of a serious problem or is he just trying to tell me he’s bi?
Signs of Trouble, Rehoboth Beach, DE

Hey Signs of Trouble,
I think it’s time you read the fairy tale, “Closet Gays On Drunken Days.” “There once lived a man named Joe Skunk, who was only gay when he got drunk. For when Joe had a drink, he started to think, ‘What I really do want is a hunk!’ Then one night Joe met the perfect guy, who he liked, but only when he was high. Though they had lots of fun, Joe got moody when they were done, so the guy told Joe, ‘Get dry or this is goodbye!’” In the end, pumpkin, whether Joe Skunk is gay, there’s way healthier men you can lay so let him go, shake him off and be on your way.

Hello Trinity,
Lately, I’ve been seeing big, dressed up women who are actually straight men. I don’t understand why a straight man would dress as a woman?
Seeing Is Unbelieving, Eugene, OR

Hello Seeing Is Unbelieving,
At first I also didn’t understand them, but I learned in life that some folks meditate, some climb and some crossdress. But, sweetie, just in case you’re still confused try,

Trinity’s Transcendental Tips For How To Treat A Transgendered Being

1. If a man: (straight, gay or bi) is dressed as a woman simply treat him/her like a woman.
2. When dealing with any woman, biological or “Max Factor,” use politeness, charm and chivalry!
3. If you find yourself staring do say, “Hello”, “Lovely day” or “Where on earth did you find heels in your size?”
4. Never be afraid or too close-minded to hang out with people you don’t understand!
5. If you don’t understand why someone is “different,” then congratulations! Now, stop judging and start learning!
6. If the woman in front of you in line is over six feet, has long nails and talks in a baritone voice, then I wouldn’t say anything to offend her!
7. When you judge others harshly recognize that you also probably judge yourself harshly. It’s always about you!
8. If you don’t have professional make-up tips, fashion know-how or acting credentials, then save your opinions for yourself!
9. Why the Higher Powers That Be would create diverse cultures and alternative lifestyles is not necessarily for you to understand.
10. Lastly, if you can’t beat ‘em and don’t want to join ‘em then get in front of ‘em and make it look like a parade!

 — With a Masters of Divinity, Reverend Trinity hosted “Spiritually Speaking” a weekly radio drama performed globally and is now minister of WIG: Wild Inspirational Gatherings.

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