Stories about the two gay male penguins that are raising a chick in a German zoo have included quotes from a zookeeper and other relevant humans, but not one of the accounts has presented the penguins’ view of things. Until now. A reporter fluent in German, Spanish, English and Humboldt Penguin journeyed to the Bremerhaven zoo to interview Z and Vielpunkt, the new dads.
Reporter: Good morning.
Vielpunkt: Good morning.
Z: Careful where you sit. No time to clean up the doo-doo these days, don’t y’know.
Reporter: Being parents is keeping you busy?
Z: Oh, we’re rushed off our happy feet, feeding and looking after our little one.
Reporter: Is it a boy or a girl?
Vielpunkt: We’re not telling. The zookeepers don’t know. It’s driving them crazy. I love it.
Reporter: Tell me about how all this began. Obviously, neither one of you gave birth to the chick.
Z: You could’ve knocked me over with a flipper when that egg landed in our nest. Sure, we’d talked about having a baby, but, realistically…
Vielpunkt: See that couple over there? The ones trying to look busy grooming themselves? They rejected the egg.
Z: Can you imagine?
Vielpunkt: The keepers put it in our nest. I don’t know why they chose us. There are two more same-sex couples here.
Reporter: Really?
Z: Oh, yes. It’s a rainbow fowl fest.
Reporter: So, all of a sudden you found yourselves being parents. How did it go?
Z: Swimmingly. We incubated the egg for 30 days.
Vielpunkt: Harder work than it looks. Gave me hemorrhoids.
Z: And, then the big day! I heard a little crack, crack, crack.
Vielpunkt: It was so exciting, I have to admit.
Z: We made a complete spectacle of ourselves, yelling, “Go, baby, go!”
Reporter: Wow.
Z: Out came our little chick. All scraggly and icky and gorgeous.
Reporter: He or she is certainly sleeping soundly now. What an adorable chick.
Z: Thank you. I think the little one takes after my side of the family.
Reporter: Huh?
Vielpunkt: Humor him.
Reporter: What are your hopes for your chick?
Vielpunkt: Harvard.
Z: I just want our child to be happy and never lack for fish.
Vielpunkt: I want our child to be a leader. To tell these stupid humans…
Z: Present company excepted, of course.
Vielpunkt: To tell them that they’re killing us! Back in Peru and Chile where we come from…
Z: You came from a zoo in Vienna.
Vielpunkt: You know what I mean. Humans are overfishing and destroying our habitat! Humboldt penguins are disappearing!
Z: Now look what you’ve done. The baby is up and shrieking for food!
Vielpunkt: Hey, little fuzz ball. You hungry again? Go take a bite out of that veterinarian over there.
Z: Vielpunkt!
Reporter: One last question if I may. What’s your reaction to those who say two males shouldn’t raise youngsters?
Vielpunkt: Unprintable.
Z: My goodness, who has time to worry about what those people or penguins think? I have a chick to raise! I’m already losing sleep over how to teach this child to waddle.
info: LesRobinsn@aol.com . www.GeneralGayety.com