Dearest Trinity,
I’m so sick of the “beautiful people” getting all the attention. Don’t you think that all this importance on beauty and sex appeal is making life too competitive?
Beauty Queasy, Minneapolis, Minn.

Dearest Beauty Queasy,
Sorry to burst your competitive bubble but beauty will always be competitive, always be in style and always be around to turn heads, sell products and make everyone else feel like chopped liver. If you want to get some attention (as everyone does) then create some beauty appeal for yourself. Honey, making the most of what you have is actually quite natural. Every species from monkeys to Marilyn Monroe uses or used sex appeal to get noticed and find a mate. So don’t fight it, rather find it within yourself and make it work for you. Think gym, think clothes, think etiquette and think action!

Hey Trinity,
Why are straight men so straight? Don’t you think if straight men hung around gay men they would learn a thing or two about politeness, culture and even decorating?
Straight Thoughts, New Orleans, La.

Hey Straight Thoughts,
If straight men hung around gay men they would definitely learn a lot about many things and visa versa. But as far as teaching straight men art and/or decorating, sweetie, I don’t know if you can teach a lion the esoteric importance of lighting! (My cartoon shows this for sure.)

Hello Trinity,
There is so much competition in the bars. How do I make myself get noticed?
Not Noticed, Billings, Mont.

Hello Noticed,
The best way to stand out anywhere is to physically and mentally prepare yourself before going into social situations by looking, smelling and especially acting your best. In other words build up your outer look and your inner self-esteem before arriving on any scene. Oh, and pumpkin, always look like you’re having fun even when you’re not! No one likes being seen around a loser!

Dear Trinity,
I need to get out of an awful relationship. But, if I tell my boyfriend that I’m leaving, he’ll come after me and make my life miserable again. So I’ve decided to run away. I want to do it right. Help me, please!
Running Away, Hoboken, N.J.

Dear Running Away,
If anyone knows how to run away from an awful relationship, of course after trying everything under the sun to make it work, then it is I. And, baby, preparation is your best tool. So here are:

Trinity’s Practical Tips For Suddenly Leaving Or Running Away
1. Save money first. Don’t leave broke. This way you’ll be able to buy more time.
2. Get a cell phone and a P.O. box to collect and forward your mail. It makes moving much easier.
3. Think laundry. The more you take the more you have to carry. Laundry once a week means you can travel light and right.
4. Go south in the winter. Go north in the summer.
5. Pay all of your bills off first or a few months in advance so you can really be free for a while.
6. Leave when no one is around, this gives you a lot more time and peace of mind than running away on the spur of the moment.
7. Starting a new life is a lot easier when you go to a place where you know someone, even anyone, unless you have to go to an anonymous destination.
8. A note that says, “I’m leaving, don’t bother finding me!” Proves to everyone, especially the police, that you haven’t been kidnapped and need to be found.
9. Keep breathing as you are leaving. Keep thinking good positive thoughts. And, shut the stove off.
10. Lastly, ASAP, get emotionally and financially clean. You can run away from someone else’s problems but you can’t hide from your own.

— With a Masters of Divinity, Reverend Trinity was host of “Spiritually Speaking,” a weekly radio drama, and now performs globally.
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