By the time this writer had grown into any sort of consciousness that could recall Saturday morning shows, Pee-Wee Herman had already gone off the air and Paul Reubens, the man behind the boy, was just out of his first controversy, an arrest for “indecent exposure” at an adult theatre in Florida.
Reubens, in most of his life on and off camera as Pee-Wee, succeeded in what he had set out to accomplish. The nearly four hours of “Pee-Wee As Himself,” a documentary that Reubens reluctantly agreed to film with director Matt Wolf, gave viewers a close look at the actor through his words and reflections of his life and career.
If you grew up in the late ‘70s and ‘80s, chances are you may already know a good portion of Reuben’s story, but only from the viewer’s perspective. That’s because of what was made painfully clear by both Wolf and Reubens: the very private life the actor led.
Reubens nearly took all of his secrets with him to the grave when he passed away in 2023 from acute myelogenous leukemia and metastatic lung cancer (according to a death certificate attained by People magazine). Even Wolf didn’t know about Reubens’ health issues until he died before finishing a final interview that was planned for the docuseries.
From his upbringing in New York, his career in the Los Angeles entertainment industry that led to finding his way into comedic stardom and the controversies that followed, the series does as thorough a job as Reubens allowed. Another factor the audience sees through the two movie-sized episodes is the tug-&-pull of what control Reubens wanted to have over the direction of the filming, which revealed a side of the actor we might have known before: Reubens was not the most trusting person ever.
It is that fact that adds a bit of rawness to the person being profiled. While it isn’t spoken about the entire time, there always seemed to be a line that could be pulled that led back to Reubens’ self-described one-true love, a painter he met while attending CalArts named Guy Brown. Brown is the key to Pee-Wee, as is revealed in the first part of the documentary, Pee-Wee’s mannerisms mostly reflect Brown’s, right down to the laugh.
Even as he, in a way, carried Brown with him, it is painful to see Reubens choose his career over his personal life, much of which he lived through the pop culture icon he created. Brown would pass away in a hospital, dying from AIDS-related causes. But Reubens rode his stardom to its peak – as demonstrated in the documentary – with regrets later in life. In his own words, back then, it was damning to a career to be out of the closet with who he truly was and how he felt, even if the wider queer community, and the general one beyond that, had their own theories.
To get to the top and bring a unique creative joy to the world is something that, through the two parts, Ruebens would stop on and speak about. The actor had two major incidents that almost shattered his career, the first being caught in an adult theater and revealing his identity to the police, the second being found with an erotic art collection after being wrongfully outed by actor Jeffery Jones, who was convicted for taking nude photos of minors.
Both not only rocked his career, but shook Reubens at his core, making his metaphorical shell that much harder to crack open. While he would eventually make it out and back into the spotlight in a relatively positive capacity, the final 30 minutes of the series, focused on what the actor revealed from deep inside on his final day.
As mentioned at the beginning of this review, it felt as though Reubens had done what he had set out to accomplish in his life. But his final words, recorded through audio from his bedside, revealed a pain from the worry related to his encounters with the law, and former friendships that flipped on him during a time of need for support and forgiveness.
Even as stones crafted from words were thrown his way, with names like “pedophile” attached, we do get to see how the greater public, from the adults that loved him down to the kids that treasured his lessons and stories from Saturday Morning television continued to support him. While there are things in life that we may never truly get over – and clearly those stings were part of Reuben’s pain – the catharsis from speaking about those issues and revealing much about what we never saw in his private life, released him somewhat at the end.
Paul Reubens, whether as Pee-Wee Herman or any of the other characters he brought to life, inspired generations with his comedic antics. He truly gave his own brand of love to the world, even though he chose to closet his own. That selflessness is his legacy. If there is an afterlife,we can hope he sees that.
“Pee-Wee As Himself” is now available to stream on the HBO Max service.