Retrograde Mars redirects on the 10th, but it will take until May before all this brash energy gets back onto the right, manageable course. Some old demons still have one last chance to bite us on the butt. Let’s hope one or two of them have become vegetarians.

PISCES (02.20-03.20) You may prefer to remain slothful and lazy. Strenuous exercise may not have the desired effect now, so give your tootsies a leg up and spare yourself the strains and pains. The day-to-day job may become more onerous than usual as well. It’s hard to be the royal bee when fate conspires to make you a dispensable drone. Plan a revolution this summer, comrade.

ARIES (03.21-04.20) It’s difficult to celebrate when the fates conspire to rain on your parade. Gay Rams are usually party-hearty animals, but now too much fun is simply too much trouble. Don’t give up on the party scene. Soon things fall back into their place and you can recharge le bon temps to full tempo. In the meantime, sit this dance out and keep your parties small and, ahem, intimate.

TAURUS (04.21-05.21) Family issues that you thought were long forgotten, may not be. Just when you thought the past was past, a relative tries to stir the pot. But, don’t get whipped up. Queer Bulls should continue to do their own thing in their life. Don’t compromise your goals to achieve familial harmony. Agree to disagree and leave it at that. Don’t make their problem your problem.

GEMINI (05.22-06.21) Perhaps it is best to just think it rather than say it. Pink Twins are best served by keeping their controversial and somewhat ill-conceived ideas to themselves and not bleating them to any and all. Thankfully, this phase will soon pass, but not before you try to put a rather large foot into your comparatively small mouth. Okay, okay. Chew well and swallow. Need ketchup?

CANCER (06.22-07.23) Filthy lucre will be hard to acquire and even harder to hold for the next few weeks. Gay Crabs are advised to stick to conservative investments and avoid risk. It’s possible that despite any best efforts, some financial retrenchment will still take place, but you can soften the blow if you do your fiscal homework. Bears and bulls make money, but pigs lose their shirts.

LEO (07.24-08.23) A flash of self-confidence is dampened by things beyond your control. Prepare to feel a little at odds with anything and anyone new. Things could start off on the wrong foot. As with everything, this dreary time will soon pass, but not before proud Lions manage one final public over-exposure. Forewarned is forearmed, I say. So, avoid cellophane pants until May.

VIRGO (08.24-09.23) Queer Virgins can’t help but imagine all sorts of heinous acts going on behind the scenes by nefarious folks. Some of it is in your mind, but for those times where you can actually see the dark forces descending, don’t be afraid to take up arms and oppose them. Sometimes the worst fears are what we conjure, not what we ultimately decide to conquer.

LIBRA (09.24-10.23) Recall the old motto, “A friend in need is a pest?” Gay Libras are all too willing to help a pal in distress, however you now see the limits of your charity and patience. There is nothing more appalling than so-called friends who guzzle the milk of human kindness and move on when another source looms large. Be sure to post these thieves on your milk carton.

SCORPIO (10.24-11.22) One rung on your ladder of success has been sawed through. Who is the culprit? You will soon see who is who, but not before there is one step forward and two steps back in your career. Queer Scorps need to take a deep breath, take stock of their position and slowly, carefully build anew. Your next climb up will be based on a more solid foundation in a stronger market.

SAGITTARIUS (11.23-12.22) Your next vacation may be the trip to hell if you are not prepared. Gay Archers may wish to avoid any extensive travel at this time; bags get lost, reservations screwed up and you may wind up sharing your room with a retired insurance broker from Idaho. (Then again, that could be your thing.) Is staying at home in the winter any better? You decide.

CAPRICORN (12.23-01.20) The fates have a way of tossing a pot of cold water on your hottest frontburner. Pink Caps are apt to become a tad frustrated with all the false starts and sudden stops in their intimate sex life. But, never fear — this too shall pass and, before you know it, you’ll be cooking on all four burners. Be careful of burn marks, but not of catching on fire.

AQUARIUS (01.21-02.19) Avoid any arguments with partners. Pressure will be placed on any one-to-one relationship and a meeting of the minds may not take place. Any deeply buried unreconciled issues can resurface now, but nothing can be gained when you’re under such pressure. Try for a bubble bath for two and see if you can calm the waters — and soap them up. : :

© 2010 Madam Lichtenstein, LLC. All Rights Reserved. Entertainment.

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