Uranus, that planet of shocks and surprises, retrogrades and drags it’s sorry tail all over our best laid plans. Are you in the mood for stew? No matter what you expect, expect the unexpected. Ouch and ouch again!

CANCER (06.22-7.23) Even though you have carefully cultivated a conservative professional path, there are potholes and detours developing on the horizon. So, don’t concentrate too much on projecting future scenarios. Think in the present and do the best apple polishing you can. The rest can be left to fate and past performance. In fact, it may be a good time to take a vacation. Hint. Hint.

LEO (07.24-08.23) Getting “away from it all” may be very tempting. But, if your goal is relaxation, try to postpone your travel plans. Any international venture could prove to be way too stressful. Proud Lions with itchy paws could, instead, stay closer to home to get their relaxation jollies. How about a BBQ in the backyard? Or, maybe a small soireé in a neighborhood joint? Aim for the dull.

VIRGO (08.24-09.23) Those queer Virgins who follow their hearts instead of their minds may find that their hearts lead them astray. And, maybe that is the plan? But, if not, try to keep your randy emotions in check and enter into any sexual liaison with your eyes wide open and legs together. There will be time to meet, greet and sweep a special someone off their feet in a few weeks.

LIBRA (09.24-10.23) Expect some strange undercurrents in some relationships. And, don’t be surprised by the extent of the surprises. Proud Libras, who strive for harmony, balance and diplomacy, are reduced to bobbing and floating on a turgid sea of emotion. Ugh. Take a step back if you can and find other outlets to occupy your mind. Stamp collecting? Lint removal? Anything.

SCORPIO (10.24-11.22) As much as you want to get things done and move on, there is something that pulls you back into the weeds. Try not to get involved in messy office politics. Avoid offering even a tame opinion of current comings and goings of co-workers. It cannot benefit you. In fact, avoid the worst of it by directing your excess energy into exercise. Just don’t trip on the treadmill.

SAGITTARIUS (11.23-12.22) Nothing exceeds like excess and gay Archers have their duffel bag full of it. How much fun can you possibly pack into every single minute? Way too much and it can leave you dissipated and spent. Of course, that may be just what you are looking for. Plan ahead as best as you can and make sure that any sticky situation is anticipated so that you don’t get stuck.

CAPRICORN (12.23-01.20) Even though you think that everything is under control at home, there may be a shocking event that captures all your attention and efforts. It could be a burst pipe, a mysterious short circuit or something family related. But, whatever it is, you handle it expertly and quickly. Fight the domestic gremlins. I think they are hiding under the bed with the dust bunnies.

AQUARIUS (01.21-02.19) Anything you say can be blown way out of proportion now. If your intent is to stir up a revolution, you are handed the big spoon to do it. Aqueerians who prefer to mull their thoughts before they shriek are advised to listen very carefully before they speak…or don’t even speak at all. Time will tell so learn to tell (and bide your) time.

PISCES (02.20-03.20) Guppies can be emotional spenders. There is that one little trinket that you need that will make you feel all better. Of course, that is not really true but you are not focusing on truth. Expect some unanticipated expenses that can throw you off your budget. Try to rein in any unnecessary spending and save for a rainy day. Oh, no. Do I feel a drop?

ARIES (03.21-04.20) Every attempt to gain the attention of “those in the know” will become a case of “those who say no.” Proud Rams ache to strut and fret their hour upon the stage, but will then be heard no more. Did someone say this a tale told by an idiot full of sound and fury, signifying nothing? Yeah, some hack. Fade into the background if you can and plot from the sidelines.

TAURUS (04.21-05.21) Secrets are secrets no longer, queer Bull. No matter how you try to hide the truth, it pops out at inappropriate times. But, it is a clarion call from the heavens so take it all in stride and pride. Before you know it, all potential embarrassments or gaffs become gist for the rumor mill and make you the one to know. Grab it, bank it, spank it and spend it while it is the currency.

GEMINI (05.22-06.21) Pals provide the surprises, so act surprised! Their antics can send you into wasteful, unanticipated directions. Don’t become impatient and blow your top, pink Twin. Go with the flow and see where every error-prone social event leads. Who knows? You could wash ashore at some exclusive beach head full of water nymphs and pool boys. Or, is it just a hangover? : :

© 2011 Madam Lichtenstein, LLC. All Rights Reserved.

info: Visit www.TheStarryEye.com for e-greetings, horoscopes and Pride jewelry. My book “HerScopes: A Guide To Astrology For Lesbians” from Simon & Schuster is available at bookstores and major booksites.