Fairmont, N.C. sits on the border of North and South Carolina. Formerly, Fairmont was a small town sustained mostly by tobacco farming. Currently, Fairmont is a “quaint little town not many people have heard of.” It’s also the place where former EMS [Emergency Medical Services] worker Vance Haywood and his three younger siblings grew up.
Today, Haywood, a charming gentleman with a soothing southern accent has left a 20-year career behind, trading in bandages for Bibles and working in a new field as a clergy member. He’s taken up residence with friends in Raleigh, a place he has called home since 2004. During this interview, we spoke with Haywood about his past, present and future and his efforts to spread love, comfort and affirmation to all he comes in contact with.
L’Monique King: How’d you start your day? What did you have for breakfast?
Vance Haywood: I had a shake this morning, though I could eat bacon and eggs all day everyday, but my cardiologist wouldn’t advise that. So today I had a shake with fruit and peanut butter. I’m trying to be healthier.
LMK: What brought you to Raleigh?
VH: My job. I was working in EMS and had found a job right outside of Raleigh. I was previously living in Wilmington.
LMK: Do you live alone in Raleigh?
VH: No, I have two male roommates. They’re married and really great folks. We moved in together two years before the COVID Pandemic. I had moved into an apartment in downtown Raleigh. It was an older complex with many issues. The ceiling caved in one day and I moved in with this couple during the restoration. It was such a good fit that I remained.
LMK: Are you partnered?
VH: No. I’ve poured everything of myself into my career and haven’t taken the time to have a life partner or husband. One of the challenges is, once I became a pastor, I realized the huge burden and pressure that would be placed on a First Gentlemen (as my spouse).
LMK: Having been involved in EMS for such an extensive amount of time, does it ever filter into your daily life now?
VH: Yes. Last year I was on a beach and cut my leg on a tent stake. Everyone with me was expecting some elaborate bandaging job [knowing my history as an EMS Technician]. <Chuckles> I grabbed some paper towels and electrical tape and wrapped it. It was what I had access to. I remember an early [EMS] supervisor teaching folks how to take care of emergencies in settings when medical supplies weren’t at hand. I thought of him and remembered: We can make do with what we have, improvise and still have the ability to take care of what we need to.
LMK: Share a bit with readers on what your current livelihood is.
VH: I’m the Senior Pastor at St. John’s MCC (Metropolitan Community Church) – for six years now. We [at MCC] also operate the Bryant Center, which is a community outreach and overnight shelter program.
LMK: That’s awesome. With affordable housing being so scarce, shelters and community outreach are sorely needed resources. What led you to ministry?
VH: I felt called to ministry and preaching at an early age – in my teens. I started preaching for the church I attended as a teenager. I eventually left because I was unable to reconcile who I knew I was as a gay male with the teachings of the church, which were fairly conservative.
LMK: Tell us about MCC.
VH: MCC was founded by a gay male, Troy Perry, in 1968. He is still alive and lives with his partner in California where they founded the first church. Troy Perry was also a co-founder of LA Pride along with two other folks. While Stonewall was happening on the east [coast], they were founding Christopher Street West [the 501(c) 3 nonprofit organization that produces the annual LA Pride Parade and Festival in Los Angeles].
LMK: When you think of St. John’s MCC, what are you the most proud of?
VH: That’s a tough question, but I think the proudest thing about us is how we embrace justice, inclusivity and diversity. It’s a widely diverse congregation of people coming from all walks of life. We have folks experiencing homelessness sitting beside folks with a six-figure income. People from multiple faiths, ethnic and racial backgrounds. I grew up in a mostly white church where it would be odd to have an African American in church. That always felt strange to me. So, I’m proud to lead a church of Christian denomination with multiple faiths and backgrounds feeling comfortable to worship together.
LMK: Churches and religious dogma have been traumatizing for many in the LGBTQ+ community. What do you say to folks who staunchly avoid church because of past negative experiences?
VH: I don’t disagree with them. Many times, the church has been used and weaponized in a way that has taken lives and hurt countless people. So, I don’t persuade people to attend church, but I encourage people to connect with the divine and spirituality and what that looks like for them. If you find God in nature, if that’s how it works for you, then absolutely, do that. The most hurtful thing we can do is guilt people into showing up on Sunday morning. At its core, church can be a healthy and whole place when it’s not following religious dogma that is used to control people.
LMK: You said earlier that there was a time when you couldn’t reconcile your religious beliefs with your identity as an LGBTQ+ community member. What would you say to a young person struggling with the same issue?
VH: First and foremost, even the King James version of the Bible we love to quote says we were made in God’s image. From a Christian perspective, Jesus came to abolish religion – religion was at the time and has continued to be used as a tool of manipulation, control and hurt. Religion is a human construct. So, it’s not the world view of who we are it’s who we know ourselves to be and we are beautiful.
LMK: Where is your happy place during stressful moments?
VH: The beach. If I need something more immediate, model railroading. I have a setup in my bonus room. It’s an N-Scale [smaller model]. I’ve created about a 10-foot layout that starts with little farmhouses and then transitions into a downtown area with larger buildings. There are water features also. I’m drawn to water so there’s that.
LMK: What gets you to the point where you just want to curse/cuss?
VH: Seeing people mistreated. Things that go against loving and caring for people.
LMK: Knowing that you’re drawn to water and enjoy travel, what would you say is your favorite travel destination?
VH: I think Hawaii. I’ve been to Nanakuli, Hawaii; one of my roommates’ parents lives there.
LMK: Is there anywhere you haven’t been that you’d like to visit?
VH: Two places. I really want to go to Scotland and Uganda. We have a small group of church folks in Kampala [the largest city in Uganda]. We work with them and support an orphanage run by a gay man and his husband. We provide assistance and nutrition. In recent years we are also providing security because of the anti-LGBTQ+ policy and recent legislation that requires imprisonment for being LGBTQ+ and death sentences for people found guilty of acting on homosexuality.
LMK: Sounds challenging. Is it?
VH: Yes, it definitely is. We work with a local Metropolitan Community Church there and the church’s straight cis pastor, which allows them [the church congregants] to blend in somewhat. We’ve had many conversations about this and things that are considered potentially homosexual, like outward displays of affection and emotion – in order to understand and protect folks while maintaining safety. Unfortunately, COVID put a pause on planning trips, so I haven’t been there since.
LMK: Speaking of intolerance and hurtful bigotry and oppression, what words of advice would you give to anti-LGBTQ+ affirming fire and brimstone ministers or clergy?
VH: I would say – look towards love and let love guide your understanding of scripture and God.
LMK: When you think about your future, what do you see yourself doing 20 years from now?
VH: I hope I’m still pastoring in some form or fashion and fighting for justice and equality by advocating for marginalized people. I think I can count my life as a success if I’m still doing that.
LMK: Any final thoughts to leave our readers with?
VH: Love one another and grow connections between one another. That’s what I try to do, connect folks to love. If we do things out of love, everything else solves itself.