There’s a guy in Greenville, South Carolina who simply wants to make the world a better, safer, celebratory place for the LGBTQ+ community. His name is Clay Smith, and he has found peace in faith, 10 years of sobriety and the ability to champion diversity.
He’s a self-described drag queen, celebrity illusionist, host, singer and comedian. He’s also a specialist in Diversity, Equity and Inclusion (DEI). With over 20 years of success as a performer, Smith is known to many as Delighted Tobehere; which speaks volumes about how he approaches life. During this candid and frequently comical interview, we’ll get to know the man behind the make-up and his thoughts on the world around him.
LMK: I know you currently live in Greenville but have also lived in Charlotte. Would you elaborate on that a bit?
CS: I was raised in Greenville, South Carolina, graduated from Clemson University where I was the school’s first performing arts major. I had ‘come out’ during my time at Clemson and that was a difficult time for me and my family. When I returned home [after graduating] and they realized that the “gay” had not gone away; I was given an ultimatum. Actually, it was a handwritten letter that said I needed to stop telling people I was gay, I’d have a curfew imposed, I needed to seek professional Christian counseling and couldn’t go to Atlanta anymore. So, I moved to Charlotte within 24 hours where an old roommate of mine from college had an apartment.
LMK: Where are your parents now, regarding your identity and affirming you?
CS: My dad has come a long way. He’s not a PFLAG parent but our family dynamic is loving, healthy, supportive and communicative. My mom passed away a few weeks ago of dementia. My mom was further along in her acceptance journey – but that was cut short due to the dementia. I tell people when they’re coming out that their journey and their timing is theirs. Likewise, the family, friends and co-workers that you tell – their journey and timeline is also on theirs. So, whether it takes 10 minutes or 10 years of them accepting you – at some point you’ve got to start the clock. And the beginning of that is respecting yourself by living authentically.
LMK: As a child, what did you want to be when you grew up?
CS: I wanted to be a dentist. I got accepted to pre-dentistry at Clemson with the goal of becoming a pediatric dentist. That’s how I got in. A lot of people have a fear of the dentist and I wanted to create an atmosphere and experience that encouraged people to take care of themselves instead of doing something else they deem important. A lot of people are afraid of a diagnosis – like having a cavity. If I’ve learned anything from my mom’s dementia, which has no cure at the moment; just medication that delays the progression – you can be so afraid of the diagnosis that you miss the window of the only help available. Your fear can literally lead to a worse outcome. There’s something vulnerable and self-loving about going in [facing your fear] and taking care of yourself. This applies to knowing your HIV status, having mammograms, testicular self-exams – practicing self-care through combating those fears is an important part of self-love.
LMK: Assuming you never embarked on that dental career, what’s your livelihood?
CS: At the moment, that is a very good question. At the end of last year, I stepped down from full time performing. I’m not sure if I retired or if I was just tired. The depression I faced from watching my mom disappear and watching life as I knew it disappear, put me in a mindset where I questioned, maybe I shouldn’t be doing drag or performing. [I thought], maybe I should be an accountant. Lashes come in sizes; 101, 201 and 301s. But they do not come in size 401K and as someone who is 42 now and has been performing for 23 years and spent my life savings – to stay afloat while taking care of my mom I’ve been facing major questions surrounding stability in the second half of my life and what I want it to look like. It’s also difficult [as a long-term drag performer] to find spaces and jobs doing some of the things that I can. At the same time, it’s devastating to think that I wouldn’t be able to continue to commit to a passion that was there for the first half of my life and still is. Being a gig worker is difficult. It does not promise longevity – unless you are incredibly savvy as a businessperson.
LMK: We don’t often hear or think about the perils of a lasting career. How did you get into drag to begin with?
CS: For me it started off with entering a talent show. Then it moved on to guest spots in shows. When I started making some money it became a part time job. Then I made enough money to where I could live exclusively as a performer. But that is rare, most drag entertainers are plus ones. They are a drag performer and a makeup artist, or hair stylist, or wig designer or costume designer. I couldn’t do any of those things, so when I made a living as a performer, it was exclusively as a performer.
LMK: Your successes as a performer have been plentiful. You’ve been on America’s Got Talent, performed in multiple states and countries and produced your own shows. How’d you end up on AGT and what was that experience like?
CS: I was living in Charlotte, touring and performing in West Holiday doing a drag brunch that had as many people in the audience as the cast <giggles>. Queens were complaining about the small audience and how there wouldn’t be any tips. While packing up at the end, a guy (one of the seven people in the audience) approached me and asked me if I wanted to be on TV. I said yes, as long as it’s not Cops. Turns out he was an AGT talent scout and they added me to the show even though casting had been completed and filming started in two weeks. The experience was incredible. I got four yes votes from the judges. A big deal, especially as a drag queen singing a bass country song. I sang Josh Turner’s, “Your Man.” The most important lesson from the experience was: you never know who is watching so give your best show at all times.
LMK: Tell our readers about your show, “Hello Daddy.”
CS: “Hello Daddy” was to be my 20th anniversary show and it came after four seasons of performing a winter residency at a theatre in PuertoVallarta, Mexico. I had just finished starring as Hedwig at the Warehouse Theatre in Greenville. From that I learned that a 90-minute cabaret could be so much more than what I had been doing in Mexico. So, I found an intern from Clemson’s performing arts department and we co-wrote a show exploring the frustrations that I was having with Delighted getting all the credit for Clay’s work. The show in essence is a [display of] mid drag-life crisis. You get to meet Delighted and Clay in Hello Daddy and it’s that transparency and vulnerability that appealed to the Gay Men’s Chorus of Charlotte. As a result, they reached out and asked if I would do three productions of it in the Charlotte area to gauge the desire and need for a theater company that uplifts queer voices.
LMK: Any sage advice for young folks wanting to get into performing drag?
CS: Don’t quit your day job until the arts tell you that you can. Even then (the advice I never got starting out) pay your taxes, establish savings and set up a retirement account. Lastly – know that you will not be able to do spits and death drops forever <raucous laughter>. King Arthur Rightus will eventually enter your life.
LMK: What are you doing when you’re not performing? How do you spend your free time?
CS: I love my nearly three-year-old Aussie Doodle named Archie. I love being an uncle to a niece and three nephews, all under 10. I love that I don’t have any kids, I enjoy laughter and spending time with friends in groups no larger than five. Clay is a small group person. [Even] Delighted, in the busiest club or sold-out theater, is not the one bumping elbows with everyone. She’s on stage with plenty of space around her. It’s my business to bring in and entertain crowds but I don’t enjoy them. I love meeting people, but if you’d like to connect with me, please invite me to coffee.
LMK: How do you feel about what we saw during the Democratic National Convention?
CS: Relieved. And energized that we are now voting for something instead of simply just against someone.
LMK: I’m going to include in the intro a reference to your experience with DEI. Can you dive into that a little deeper, for our readers, and what that’s been like for you?
CS: I’ve [been] hired by companies such as PepsiCo, Frito Lay and Food Lion to come in and provide a behind the scenes look at what it takes to be a Queen and it’s gone quite well. I go about these DEI talks in one of two ways. One, I start out in drag and take the drag off during the presentation or [in reverse] I start out as Clay and put the drag on during the show. It gives folks a chance to see the transformation right before their eyes. I did a TED talk about how stereotypes, assumptions, fear, and expectations get in the way of relationships – be they working or personal. Those words spell safe, SAFE. What I have found is that folks have to admit they are wrong about someone and leave their SAFE bubbles of what they [believe], in order to accept someone and that can be scary.
LMK: Any final thoughts for our readers?
CS: The moment we can find peace with the unknown, the better off we’ll be.