About two months ago my best friend got his first real boyfriend. Now we hardly talk. I know he’s happy, but I’m losing my best bud. Help!
Signed, Left Out, Boston, MA
Dear Left Out,
First, let him know what you’re feeling. Second, insist that he spend time with you. And third, give it time. After a few months his love cloud will shift, and he’ll want to reclaim his pre-relationship independence and will soon come running back. Darling, friends are like oceans — they are constantly moving with the tides.
Good Luck, Trinity
I’m 20 and recently got a job at a museum. But they want me to wear a suit. I’m not ready to become a clone. Help!
Suit Sadness, Kansas City, MO
Dearest Suit Sadness,
I too had the same issue once until one day my fashion designer friend helped me put together a “Kurt from Glee” style suit. Just ask your boss if you can wear fashionable suits, and then find a store, website or a fashion student to personalize you one. And remember, baby, some people who never owned a suit would love to be in your suit-uation. (Be mindful of how you hold onto concepts and be willing to evaulate them like my cartoon suggests.)
I recently started dating a man who told me, “he only gay when he’s drunk.” Do you think this is a sign of a serious problem or is he just trying to tell me he’s bi?
Help, Signs of Trouble, Rehoboth Beach, DE
Hey Signs of Trouble,
I think it’s time you read the fairy tale, “Closet Gays On Drunken Days.” “There once lived a man named Joe Skunk, who only became gay when he got drunk. For when Joe had a drink he started to think, ‘What I really do want is a hunk!’ Then one night Joe met the perfect guy, who he liked but only when he was high. Though they had lots of fun Joe got moody when they were done, so the guy told Joe, ‘Get dry or this is good-bye!’” In the end, pumpkin, whether Joe Skunk is gay or not, there’s way healthier men you can lay, so let him go, shake him off and be on your way.
Lately, I’ve been encountering big, dressed up women who are actually straight men. I don’t understand why a straight man would dress as a woman?
Yours, Seeing Is Unbelieving, Eugene, OR
Hello Seeing Is Unbelieving,
At first, I also didn’t understand these enlightened beings, but I learned in life that some folks meditate, some climb mountains and some cross dress. But, sweetie, just in case you’re still confused, try:
Trinity’s Transcendental Tips For How To Treat A Transgendered Being
1. If a cisman — straight, gay, or bi — is dressed as a woman, simply treat him like a woman.
2. When dealing with any woman — biological or “Max Factor” — use politeness, charm
3. If you find yourself in awe say, “Hello,” “Lovely day” or “Where on earth did you find heels in your size?”
4. If you don’t understand why someone is “different,” then congratulations! Now, stop judging and start learning!
5. Never be afraid or close-minded enough not to hang out with people you don’t understand!
6. When you judge others harshly, recognize that you also probably judge yourself harshly. It’s always about you!
7. If the woman in line in front of you is over six feet, has long nails and talks in a baritone voice, then I wouldn’t say anything to offend her!
8. Why the Higher Powers would create diverse cultures and alternative lifestyles is not necessarily for you to understand.
9. If you’re not a professional make-up, fashion or acting coach, then save your opinions
10. Lastly, if you can’t beat ‘em and don’t want to join ‘em, then get in front of ‘em and make it look like a parade!
With a Masters of Divinity, Reverend Trinity hosted “Spiritually Speaking,” a weekly radio drama performed globally, and is now minister of sponsor, WIG: Wild Inspirational Gatherings, wigministries.org, Gay Spirituality for the Next Generation! Learn more at telltrinity.com. Send emails to: firstname.lastname@example.org.