Many in the LGBTQ+ community have dealt with caring for a loved one or significant other first hand. You’ve read this recipe before: parents are aging and facing health issues. Add into the mix an out son or daughter, possibly partnered or single, with no children. Heterosexual siblings are married with children and family. Who is the most likely candidate to step up to the plate?
With the AIDS pandemic of the late 20th century, those who survived were often there to care for those who would not. Friends helping friends and remaining steadfast by their side as an advocate for care and dignity, when even hospital staff were reserved about providing care and family members had stepped away entirely, was not uncommon.
Most of those caregivers – and some while still young – cared for friends who passed away from AIDS-related complications; and later in middle-age saw to the needs of their own aging parents. Those caregivers are now in their 60s and beyond. Who is left to help with their care?
But it’s not just the caregivers of the past who need help today. Seniors in our community, by far, face financial and healthcare challenges at a much greater rate than their hetero nuclear family counterparts.
What is the answer and where can help be found?
In an effort to find help for those in need now and others planning for the near future, Qnotes spoke with Travis Friot, a young gay man with a passion for caring for LGBTQ+ seniors. Here he shares some of his own story, and offers suggestions to live the best life possible in your later years.
David Aaron Moore: Tell us about the services you provide for seniors.
Travis Friot: I’m a gerontologist and Gerontology is a broad discipline. It has to do with so many things related to aging, so I’ve tried to narrow it down. I help with dementia care guidance, care coordination and wellness consulting. So that may include helping people to look for long term care options like Adult Day services, understanding their options and finding what’s a good fit for them.
DAM: Let’s talk about Age Well Advocacy.
Travis Friot: Last year, I started Age Well Advocacy to provide care management and dementia care guidance and wellness consulting to older adults. And I made it a point in the way I advertised and on my social media and when I’m connecting with people that they know I support LGBTQ+ older adults.
I posted it, I put it on my website. I got my SAGE credentials. You know, I do my update with SAGE every year, and when I meet with people, other people who do some kind of service or resource for older adults, I make sure that I let them know I am an affirming place for LGBTQ+ people, and I let them know that, because if I’m going to refer somebody to them, I want to make sure that they are, too.
DAM: Your focus is Charlotte?
TF: I live in Charlotte. And Age Well Advocacy is based in Charlotte, but it’s remote, virtual consulting, so I’m able to help people all over the country.
DAM: How did you find yourself reaching out and working with LGBTQ+ seniors? What motivated you to go down that path?
TF: My whole career has been working with the aging. A lot of it has been in long term care. I started working in long term care when I was 13. I started off volunteering. Some of the facilities and the assisted living communities that I worked in had residents who identified as LGBTQ+. There was a transgender resident in one facility, and then I had another resident who identified as part of the community in another. I made it a point to celebrate Pride Month. And I just remember the push back I was getting. It wasn’t like I was broadcasting it, because my thing was, I wanted to make sure I was still honoring the privacy of those people. Not trying to broadcast them. And because in that environment, they have to be safe, they have to be secure among the other residents. I feel good about helping people who I know are so marginalized. I identify with that. I know what that’s like. LGBTQ+ older adults have a lot of health disparities compared to people who aren’t part of a sexual minority community. I don’t feel like there are enough services and resources out there for them.
DAM: You mentioned disparities, would you mind elaborating on that just a little bit?
TG: Older adults are more likely to be disabled, and they’re more likely to live in poverty. They’re more likely to age alone without children. So if they do end up needing support from family, a lot of times, it’s not there, they may have been disowned by a family. It was different back then. It was so much less accepted and there was so much more discrimination that a lot of people have lost contact with their families.
DAM: When you speak of seniors, what age range are you typically referring to?
TR: People 55 and older. But there are different groups of old. You’ve got the older and you’ve got the oldest of the old that are 80 and older. And they’re such a diverse group of people, so many different cultures and backgrounds.
DAM: When people come to you for help, what do you find most often, that they are looking for?
TG: There are a lot of people who are looking either for themselves, or as an older adult caregiver. They just don’t know the resources that are out there. And that can mean government resources, you know, free resources. I don’t know if it’s like these resources and services are not advertising enough or what, but I’ll give you an example. When you’re thinking about an area agency on aging, which is a government resource for older people and people living with disability, that is one of the first places you should be going to if you’re looking for resources, because they’re like a hub. And they’re everywhere. They’re in every state. They will help you for free. And I’m finding that hardly anybody knows about them.
DAM: If someone reaches out to you for assistance, how much does it cost them to have your expertise?
TG: So I’m very transparent about the cost, and I also put it on my website, on the FAQ tab, I charge $150 an hour, and that’s pretty competitive compared to people who are offering care, management services. And I’ve I’ve offered a little bit of a lower rate because my services are virtual. Typically it’s more expensive than that. It can be a lot more expensive, when you’re looking at people offering care management. I’ve seen some initial assessments can for over $1,000, and that’s just for a consultation. Unfortunately, it’s not something that insurance covers.
DAM: What are some of the suggestions you would make for people who are entering into that senior age bracket and what they should prepare for?
TG: You know there are several things. There’s a difference in health outcomes for people who are living in rural areas, versus people who are living in the city, when you’re aging. You know there’s so many more resources and services available. So that may look like maybe you want to live somewhere that offers more resources and services. AARP has something called a livability index, and it’s a tool that you can use on their website and see areas are ranked, as far as being able to age in them and live in them with the best health outcomes and what’s available to you. I would also say, it’s important to prepare your finances. And with what’s currently happening with the government and all the budget cuts, healthcare as you age can be very expensive. Especially if you’re relying on people for care giving, especially when someone is LGBTQ+, doesn’t have children and they’re not partnered or married. Be prepared and know what your options are. Some are very affordable. If you want to stay in your home, it’s important to know that adult day centers provide interaction with others. There are age tech companies like Care Yaya, where you can have students that come to your house, pre-med students that come to your house for a much cheaper rate, a much more affordable rate. And they may not be able to do CNA work, but they can help you around the house with cleaning. They can help you around the house with technology issues, fixing things, all kinds of things. Knowing your resources and being financially ready are such an important part.
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