Dear Trinity,
As an American living in Montreal, I’m finding gay men not nearly as friendly here as in the States. How do I get these self-absorbed gays to talk and/or eventually date me?
The French DisConnection, Montreal, QC

Dear DisConnected,
Living in a foreign country often creates cultural dilemmas. But, in any country meeting potential dates is still a one in 10 “numbers game.” That’s right, sweetie, even if nine froggies are shocked off their lily pads because one American is a little pushy about finding that one French prince, don’t be afraid! Just be your good ole, friendly American self. Hey, they have free health care, they can handle it!

Hey Trinity,
My boyfriend’s great, but he is so needy, it’s often overwhelming. How do I tell him that sometimes he’s too much?
Too Much, Austin, TX

Hey Too Much,
Most men are needy! Maybe it’s the milk! So, lets have you open a bottle of wine together, make a few toasts and then, pumpkin, let him know that it’s time to hire himself a secretary, a maid or a therapist because (repeat after me) “You are my boyfriend, not my responsibility.” (My cartoon can give you some guidance.)

Hello Trinity,
Recently, I dated a woman who introduced me to another woman shortly before we broke up. This woman has now been asking me out. I feel guilty knowing she knows my ex who also introduced us. Help!
Guilty, Green Bay, WI

Hello Guilty,
If you both like each other and at least one month has passed after the breakup, then as a single woman there’s no reason why you shouldn’t go out with her. Honey, it’s not like she’s your ex’s ex…or is she?

Dearest Trinity,
My boyfriend of 11 months recently dumped me via the phone. Doesn’t anyone in the gay world realize just how much work goes into a relationship? Isn’t it unfair?
Unfair, Boulder, CO

Dearest Unfair,
You mean after 11 months on one full moon the phone rings and he says, “You’re not what I wanted.” And, puff, you’re left alone to think, “What, after all this you’re ending it on the phone?” That’s when it’s time to send:

Trinity’s In-Your-Face Reasons Why You Must Be Present With Someone When Breaking Up With Them (Especially After A Month)

1. Because I waited patiently for your calls, emails, late
arrivals, early departures and your endless voicemails.
2. Because I cooked you dinner, lunch and breakfast and ate 15 of your weird concoctions just because you asked me to.
3. Because I helped move your old stove, old boxes, old tires and old relatives, besides fixing your toilet, stove, air conditioner and your hairpiece.
4. Because I woke up early, went to bed late, changed my plans, my times and my own work schedule just to fit yours.
5. Because I listened to your infinite complaints about work, family, life and politics plus listened to your music, watched your TV shows and went to your family outings, never mind listening to you burp, fart, sneeze and snore.
6. Because I dealt with your smoking, drinking, shyness and jealousy, besides your addictions to late-night eating, insecurity, work and “Sex In The City.”
7. Because I went to bad movies, loud concerts, lousy plays and boring art openings just because you asked me to.
8. Because I massaged your tired back, wiped your crying eyes, cleaned your dirty house and washed your smelly laundry.
9. Because I tried tirelessly to say, feel and do the right thing, wear the right clothes and sleep in the right position while never complaining once!
10. Lastly, because I let you teach me, train me, manipulate me and persuade me into believing how much you loved, cherished and cared about me. That’s why you need to be there when you break up with me! : :

With a Masters of Divinity, Reverend Trinity was
host of “Spiritually Speaking,” a weekly radio drama,
and now performs globally.

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