It’s been over a year since I came out. I now have many gay friends, but it really bothers me that some of them have low self-esteem, live alone, spend too much time on hookup apps and confess their fears of never finding a companion. Is this my gay future too?
My Gay Future Charlotte, NC
Dear My Gay Future,
Yes, some gays (and straights) are single, live alone and look for love on all the wrong hookup apps. And yes, some have low self-esteem, are hard to please and/or just don’t want to take the time to get to know someone who doesn’t fit their porn fantasy. However, there are MANY other LGBTQ’s who are turning off their cellphones, raising their self-esteem and going to coffee shops, private parties and joining social, intellectual, athletic or religious groups. These folks are pushing themselves to meet new people and trying new ways of celebrating their life. Honey, you may have to find some “new” positive, like-minded friends who KNOW that being LGBT and/or Q is the greatest gift someone could have. As Helen Keller once signed “Life is either a daring adventure or it is nothing.”
I went on a first date and thought everything went great. I told her a lot about myself, even the bad things. I think being honesty is best, and she did seem interested. But I never heard from her again. What did I do wrong?
Yours, First Ditched Date Ottawa, ON
Maybe she moved to Alaska. Maybe she was thrown in prison. Or maybe you told her so much about yourself that she was scared off or left with nothing to keep her interested for a second date. Pumpkin, a first date is not a time to dump your troubles, read your police record or make someone feel like they’re watching an A&E biography special. It’s a time to let someone get to know a bit about you. That’s it!
When it comes to pick up tactics, I’m a complete failure. Help!
Pick Me Plymouth, MA
Hello Pick Me,
If you want to pick someone up, start by looking and smelling good, being at ease and open minded and Sweetie please read:
Trinity’s “Wake Up And Smell The Coffee” Tips For Bad Pickup Maneuvers
1. The Bad Fall: Trying to get noticed by falling into, pushing or slapping the behind of someone you want to pick up. Not funny!
2. The Push Myself On You Approach: Being pushy and aggressive only works in porn or Quentin Tarentino films otherwise, learn to accept “No!”
3. The Drunken Approach: Getting drunk so you can become “fearless” only makes you feared by others. Have a drink or two. That’s enough!
4. The Political Approach: Yes, everyone likes to talk about politics and we all detest the MAGA-heads but try talking about something… less upsetting!
5. The Never Stop Telling (Bad) Jokes Approach: Being funny and fun is a great gift but telling more than four jokes per hour is itself… a bad joke!
6. The Never Stop Talking Approach: Being interesting and provocative is great but if you’re not hearing much from your counterpart shut up. And take a break!
7. The Negative Approach: Yes, sometimes pointing out people’s misfortunes will make you look more fortunate but after 14 years of age, stop it!
8. The Desperate For Love Approach: If you must use pity or misfortune to get a date then GET OUT of the singles scene. Join a monastery!
9. The Silent Approach: Being a good listener is a wonderful trait but having nothing to say does not make you a good date!
10. Lastly, The Listen To How Fabulous I Am Approach: Yes, everyone is glad you’re rich, successful or famous but you’re out to get dates, not start a fan club.
With a Masters of Divinity, Reverend Trinity hosted “Spiritually Speaking” a weekly radio drama, performed globally and is now minister of WIG: Wild Inspirational Gatherings. Sponsored by: WIG Ministries, www.wigministries.org Gay Spirituality for the Next Generation! Send e-mails to: Trinity@telltrinity.com