Hello Trinity,
I am thinking of becoming a sex worker on Rentboy.com. I’m dying to try it! What do I do?
Adventuresome, Boston, MA

Hello Adventuresome,
Being in the sex industry has its ups and downs. Now, because it’s illegal I can only tell you these three things. Find something, anything you think is attractive about your mate and stay focused on that. Be respectful of each situation. Don’t do anything that will endanger your health. I guess these rules also work for anything. Honey, there’s also a great book on the subject called “Hustling” by John Preston. Good luck!

Hello Trinity,
I’ve been dating someone for about three months. I never told him I was a virgin. At 25, it’s unheard of. He wants to “do it,” but I’m afraid and I don’t think I know exactly what to do? Help!
S.O.S.Virgin, Portland, ME

telltrinity_378_042613Hello S.O.S. Virgin,
“The Joy of Gay Sex” will definitely help! Lots of contraceptives and candles also make for a safe, intimate experience. Oh, yes, a glass or two of wine before bed wouldn’t hurt either! Most importantly, sweetie, you’re 25 and it’s time to face your fears. Remember “F. E. A. R.” actually means, False Evidence Appearing Real. (Take some helpful tips from my cartoon.)

Dearest Trinity,
Not long ago I had a dream that I made love to another woman. It’s really been bothering me. Does this mean I’m a lesbian?
Lesbian Dreams, Harrisburg, PA

Dearest Lesbian Dreams,
When you dream about having a lesbian encounter, it might mean that you’re beginning to appreciate: the beauty of other women, your own womanhood or perhaps a woman that you have had issues with. On the other hand, maybe you are a lesbian and are now discovering this fact. No matter what, remember it’s safe to be you whoever you are. Now, pumpkin, if you start dreaming about Birkenstocks, granola or fighting for equal rights, then you’re definitely beginning to reach a higher consciousness, a stronger awareness of yourself and maybe even a more athletic sensibility. Go Girl!

Dearest Trinity,
Every time I want to stop dating this one guy, he keeps coming back. I don’t like him. I tried letting him down easily, but he doesn’t listen. Help?
Dumping Troubles, Cleveland, OH

Dear Dumping Troubles,
If you’ve been polite too many times and now need to excommunicate him with a burning flame then try:

Trinity’s Quick Lines For Dumping Someone
1. “My lover, whom I never mentioned before, just returned from” a) “war,” b) “the witness protection program” or c) “prison.”
2. “I just discovered that” a) “I’m not gay,” b) “I’m gay” or c) “I’m not recovering well from the “surgery!”
3. “I have to stop seeing you because” a) “my friends hate you,” b) “my family hates you” and/or c) “I hate you!”
4. “I don’t want to hurt your feelings, but you’re awful”, a) “in bed,” b) “during the day” or c) “whenever you speak!”
5. “Call me again sometime when you find out that it’s not all about” a) “you,” b) “where you’ve been” or c) “where you’re going!”
6. “If I had to choose between dating you or a life in a Palestinian prison camp with no human contact, then where do I buy my plane ticket!”
7. “After five dinners, four walks, three movies and two ice cream cones, just once it would’ve been nice if you asked me something about me!”
8. “Before I’m seen in public with you again, you’ll have to stop habitually” a) “spitting,” b) “swearing”, or c) “cruising everyone who walks by.”
9. “The three aspects of you that bother me the most are mental, physical and emotional!”
10. Lastly, “Sex is like snow. You never know how long it’s gonna last or how many inches you’re gonna get and, darling, there’s nothing worse than a two-minute, two-inch snow flurry!”

info: With a Masters of Divinity, Reverend Trinity hosted “Spiritually Speaking,” a weekly radio drama performed globally, and is now minister of sponsor, WIG: Wild Inspirational Gatherings, wigministries.org. Learn more at telltrinity.com.