Hey Trinity,
My roommate’s very anal retentive. She likes the kitchen and bathroom a certain way, and everything in alphabetical order, and so on and so on. How do I get her to mellow out?
Thanks, Anal Pains, NYC, NY

Hey Anal Pains,
Very successful people are usually dedicated to detail, like a good lawyer or architect. Also, anal retentiveness is only a problem when someone ELSE wants to have things done THEIR way. Nonetheless, pumpkin, whoever is the main owner, lease holder or first roommate makes the rules. So if that’s not you, try to communicate, negotiate and compromise. That’s all you can do. Otherwise… start packing.
Best of Luck, Trinity

Dearest Trinity,
My live-in partner of three years hardly talks to me anymore. Now I found out he has mail sent to his mom’s house. I feel like he’s hiding something. How can I get him to talk?
Sincerely, Speak No Evil, Savannah, GA

Dearest Speak No Evil,
For peace of mind you need to compile more clues and more evidence first, but if you’re not a “CSI” or “Law and Order” fan, then seek help. Then, confront him in a peaceful semi-public setting, like a park. However, sweetie, before stirring up the pot, make sure you’re ready to discover that he a) may have fallen out of love with you, b) is having an affair, c) doesn’t know how to communicate well or d) needs to be tied up, drugged and made to talk. Be aware, be careful and take action before a bomb gets dropped… on you! (And, be wary of how you approach all of this as you don’t want to get caught in a precarious position like my cartoon shows!)
Many kisses, Trinity

Dear Trinity,
My boyfriend likes hanging around the house in his underwear. I hate it, for many reasons. How do I keep him dressed?
Yours, Underwear Blues, Miami Beach, FL

Dear Underwear Blues,
In most homes of taste and style, what he’s doing is a big faux pas, a no-no, a virtue confined to hillbillies and trailer trash! However, nowadays, you can buy tastefully bi-useful underwear that passes for acceptable day wear, even nicer. So, buy some, and fill his “draws” with them while slowly over bleaching the uni-undies. And, honey, if that doesn’t work, put him on steroids, place web cams everywhere and make some money off him!
Say “Cheese,” Trinity

Hello Trinity,
Recently, at a party, the hostess pulled me aside and told me to stop asking her guests so many personal questions. She said, “You’re embarrassing everyone, including yourself!” Trinity, what’s so horrible about being inquisitive?
Sincerely, Don’t Ask Don’t Tell, Reno, NV

Hello Don’t Ask Don’t Tell,
Nothing is wrong with it, except when you’re in public there are questions that are not appropriate! But, darling, just in case you’re still clueless here’s,

Trinity’s Party Tips for Questions Never to Ask in a Crowd
1. Kyle, we’re all dying to know, after you were on “America’s Most Wanted,” how did you get out of that kidnapping and murder charge?
2. Lindsey, you look great! But can you show my friends your face lift and liposuction scars?
3. When you’re at the gym, Johnny, do you still lock yourself in the toilet stall and do… you know what?
4. I know you stopped having sex, Jeffrey, because of all the arrests, but why’d you stop hiring escorts?
5. Do you still cheat on your taxes, Terry? And where on earth do you hide all that money?
6. Eddie, is it true that when you have extramarital activities your partner likes to watch?
7. Andy, I heard you’re an illegal alien. Why don’t you tell everyone how you slipped past immigration?
8. Now remind me again, Dave, when you have sex, are you a dominant top or a submissive bottom?
9. Danny, do you have any marijuana to sell me? I heard you’re a dealer now.
10. By the way, Leslie, you look so androgynous lately! Are you still taking hormones and thinking about having “the” surgery?

With a Masters of Divinity, Reverend Trinity hosted “Spiritually Speaking,” a weekly radio drama performed globally, and is now minister of sponsor, WIG: Wild Inspirational Gatherings, wigministries.org, Gay Spirituality for the Next Generation! Learn more at telltrinity.com. Send emails to: trinity@telltrinity.com.