The holidays often arrive wrapped in light, laughter and the familiar rhythm of tradition. For some, they bring the sweet scent of baked pies, family hugs and joyous reunions. For others, they stir memories, financial pressure, loneliness or the ache of loved ones no longer near. This season, as cheerful as it might look on the outside, can potentially be much more emotionally complex than years before.
Between parties, travel plans, and the push to make everything “perfect,” our capacity for peace and presence is tested. It’s precisely during this time that self-care becomes essential and not a luxury. Taking care of your emotional and mental well-being helps you show up fully for others and yourself.
During our exploration of what self-care looks like amid the celebrations, we spoke with four people whose perspectives span generations and experiences: Charles Gomez, Hope Barnes, Leila Turner; and Norena Gutierrez (MS, NCC, LCMHC), owner of Mehana Wellness in Matthews. Their candid reflections remind us that even in seasons of joy, tending to our inner lives remains vital.
Traditions that ground the heart
For Gomez, the holidays are a bittersweet blend of gratitude and grief. “I try to be with friends and family because I still feel the emptiness of being alone on the holidays,” he shared quietly. “People that claim to be family don’t even have time to call or come. That’s hard to sit with.”
Despite the ache, he’s found solace in creating connection. “I host a small ‘frankly’ gathering each year with food, music, laughter. I invite people who may not have anywhere to go. It’s simple, but it fills some of the empty spaces.”
Barnes finds joy in comfort and consistency. “Every Christmas Eve, my family does dinner in our pajamas,” she said with a smile. “We eat, laugh, play cards and play games. We also go see Christmas light shows. There’s something about the sparkle that reminds me how beautiful life can still be, no matter what’s happening.”
Turner, an elder in her late seventies, spoke with warmth that could melt winter chill. “I love, love family gatherings,” she began. “Sometimes I haven’t seen some family members in months or since the last holiday. We eat, play games, get caught up on what’s going on. The smiles, hugs and kisses; it’s that togetherness that helps keep loneliness away.”
Turner’s voice turned thoughtful as she added, “Don’t forget the elderly. Some of us can’t drive or have disabilities. There’s technology now: video calls, Zoom. Include us! Loneliness is a dark place when you’re forgotten.”
Her plea was simple but powerful: Remember those on the margins of celebration.
The challenges beneath the cheer
While the holidays sparkle with promise, they can also highlight what hurts.
“Loneliness and isolation are two of the most common struggles I see this time of year,” said Gutierrez, a clinical therapist. “There’s also being overwhelmed, trying to meet everyone’s expectations. There’s tension around differences, especially political or generational, that can show up at the Thanksgiving table. Ask for no conversation on politics this year.”
Gomez nodded when in agreement. “Even surrounded by people, the emptiness can linger. When those you expect to show love don’t, the hurt runs deep,” he said. “I’ve learned to manage it by focusing on who shows up, not who doesn’t.”
“People feel alone or feel they don’t have enough; not enough money, not enough support, not enough peace,” Barnes said. “And then social media adds pressure to look happy when you might be struggling just to get through.”
For Turner, the greatest challenge is invisibility. “Most families mean well, but they forget about their older loved ones. They get busy. They forget to call or visit,” she shared. “That kind of exclusion breeds depression. We start to remember times when we were all together and wonder why have I been left out?”
Gutierrez pointed out that these feelings are common and valid. “People think sadness during the holidays means something is wrong with them, but it’s human,” she said. “The season can magnify loss or loneliness. Acknowledging that doesn’t make you ungrateful; it makes you self-aware.”
Statistics that remind us we’re not alone
Data backs up what these voices express from the heart:
• The American Psychological Association found that 41 percent of adults report increased stress during the holiday season.
• Among those with pre-existing mental health conditions, 64 percent say their symptoms worsen during the holidays (NAMI).
• Nearly 38 percent of Americans report mood decline in winter months (American Psychiatric Association, 2023).
• One national survey revealed that three in five adults feel emotionally drained by the end of December.
These numbers aren’t meant to discourage, but to remind us that we are not alone in the struggle to balance joy and overwhelm.
Practicing self-care: Wisdom from experience
When asked for advice on staying grounded, each person offered deeply personal but practical reflections.
Gomez emphasized the power of small steps. “Sometimes I just breathe five minutes, deep in and out. I remind myself that it’s okay to rest. Boundaries are healthy. I don’t go to gatherings that feel forced. Instead, I check on people I know might be alone. That helps both of us.”
Barnes focused on mindset. “Surround yourself with as much positivity as possible,” she said. “Grace, kindness, love, patience, forbearance; they can all be gifts. They won’t put you in debt, but they can lift someone’s heart.”
Turner stressed inclusion and presence. “Make time to call or visit elders. We don’t always say it, but we feel forgotten. If you can’t come, call or video chat,” she said. “And for ourselves, we can choose peace. We can still smile, pray, or light a candle for the ones we miss.”
From a therapist’s perspective, Gutierrez encourages simple structure. “Breathe!” she said with a laugh. “That’s first. Then reach out to family and friends proactively. Don’t wait until you’re overwhelmed. If you’re hosting, make a plan and break down tasks over several days. You don’t have to do it all at once.”
She added a fresh idea that’s catching on: “Consider changing the big Thanksgiving dinner from Thursday to the weekend. It gives people time to travel, decompress, and show up with more ease. The point is connection, not the date on the calendar.”
Simple ways to care for yourself this holiday season
Drawing from these conversations and the lessons they model, here are ways to nurture your own peace:
• Reimagine the holiday rhythm. Let go of “perfect.” Focus on presence, not performance.
• Pause and breathe. A single mindful breath can reset your mood.
• Plan early. Break tasks into smaller chunks to prevent last-minute stress.
• Rest intentionally. Guard your sleep; exhaustion fuels irritability and sadness.
• Nourish your body. Eat mindfully, hydrate, and move daily, even gently.
• Set loving boundaries. You can say “no” with grace. Protect your energy.
• Reach out first. Don’t wait for others to call. Connection starts with one text or check-in.
• Include those on the margins. Call the elderly, single neighbors, or friends who might be grieving.
• Find quiet gratitude. End each day noting one thing you’re thankful for and one worry you release.
• Serve with heart. Volunteer, donate, or simply offer a kind word. Helping others expands joy.
Ways to give back and rekindle joy
Small acts of service can ease loneliness and spark meaning. Try volunteering at a local food pantry, Crisis Assistance Ministry or a Homeless Shelter, donating winter coats, writing cards to seniors, or sponsoring a family in need. Even a brief visit or meal drop-off can remind someone and yourself that community still exists.
“When you shift from what you lack to what you can give, your perspective changes,” Gutierrez reflected. “The heart softens. The season becomes lighter.”
Resources for support and healing
If the holidays bring more pain than peace, professional and community support can help:
• 988 Suicide & Crisis Lifeline – Call or text 988 for 24/7, free, confidential support.
• Crisis Text Line – Text HOME to 741741 to chat with a trained counselor.
• The Trevor Project – LGBTQ+ Youth crisis counseling. Call 866-488-7386.
• 988 Suicide & Crisis Lifeline – Call or text 988 for 24/7, free, confidential support.
• Crisis Text Line – Text HOME to 741741 to chat with a trained counselor.
• SAMHSA National Helpline – 1-800-662-HELP (4357) for free, confidential mental health and substance-use resources.
• National Alliance on Mental Illness (NAMI) – 1-800-950-NAMI (6264) for information and local support groups.
• Local faith communities, support circles, and senior centers – Many offer free gatherings or emotional wellness workshops during the holidays.
• Here in the Charlotte Metro region, Norena Gutierrez’s Mehana Wellness Center offers counseling, workshops, and holistic support for individuals and families. It is located at 907 Matthews School Road in Matthews. For more information call 704-492-3147 or visit their Facebook page at https://www.facebook.com/p/Mehana-Wellness-Center-61558657497652/.
Closing thoughts: A season of grace
Self-care doesn’t erase every ache, but it builds space for healing, gratitude and renewal. It’s about giving yourself permission to breathe, to step back, and to be present in your own life even when it feels imperfect.
Says Gutierrez: “It’s okay to take things slow. Breathe, plan ahead, and focus on what truly matters, connection and love. That’s what the holidays are supposed to be about.”
Gomez reminds us to keep inviting hope even in solitude. Barnes teaches that kindness is currency that never runs out. Turner shows us the strength in remembrance and inclusion. Together, they reflect a truth worth holding onto:
The holidays are less about perfection and more about presence.
This season, give yourself compassion, let your heart rest easy, and may peace find you right where you are.