Dearest Trinity,
I have difficulty keeping an erection without Viagara. My urologist and friends both say, “It’s only stage freight when having to perform.” Because of this problem, I feel more comfortable having one-night stands on Viagara. Yes, one night stands get lonely, but telling a stranger about my problem is also too difficult. Help!
Rocket Man, South Beach, FL
Dearest Rocket Man,
Yes, getting it up on Viagara just to come down to erection problems can get lonely, as lonely as one-night stands. But, sweetie, you know this already, which means you’re smarter than most men or men with problems (now that’s an oxymoron)! So, it’s time to rise to the occasion, and just for fun, try telling your mates that you need Viagara and see if they care. When you find out that nobody cares, then you won’t care. Remember, mental stress is the #1 cause of erectile dysfunction! So relax, I mean, get excited, I mean, relax about getting excited!
Dear Trinity,
I’ve tried everything to get a boyfriend. I’m not giving up, but I’m at the end of my rope. Any ideas?
Roped, Albany, NY
Dear Roped,
When hunting for a boyfriend, never give up, yet never beat a dead horse. Try changing your image, your hunting grounds and your look! This, honey, is the first and foremost trick in the dating game! (Put on your most fab date drag and head on out to meet your “charming” mate. My cartoon shows you how I do it!)
Hello Trinity,
I was seeing a bartender for a month until one day, with no reason or explanation, he just ended it. Now, he completely avoids me! I just want him to know that ending it like this is wrong! Are all bartenders the same?
Angry, Detroit, MI
Hello Angry,
All bartenders are not the same. However, all month-long affairs that actually are just stretched-out, short flings are. Someone gets laid, someone falls in love, someone gets hurt and someone writes to Trinity! Yet, you have every right to corner him and tell him, “People are not sex toys to be used, then tossed away. Children throw away their toys. Grown-ups allow for closure.” But newsflash, darling, most men are children. So, just release him, move on and next time, don’t get attached so damn fast!
Dear Trinity,
I met this great guy in Ft. Lauderdale and he’s coming to visit me in Boston for a week. What should I do to insure our week will be successful?
One Week Date, Boston, MA
Dear One Week,
Throughout my life, I have played host to many visiting dates and, pumpkin, after many disastrous and miraculous times I compiled:
Trinity’s Invaluable Tips For Hosting A Visiting (Romantic) Date
1. Visiting someone else’s environment is uncomfortable, so be more understanding than you normally would be.
2. Only have visiting dates if you have time. Allow for mornings and/or nights free
from work.
3. Ten days or even one week is way too long for a first time visiting date. Three to five days is enough to start with.
4. Clean everything, i.e. bedroom, bed sheets, bathroom, etc. “Sorry, I didn’t have time to clean!” is unacceptable!
5. Preplan your activities: biking by day, theater at night and plenty of time for romantic interludes.
6. Prepare for sex! Preset contraceptives, hand towels and flaming candles. And any other fetish supplies.
7. Offer your guest unlimited amounts of sleep, food and hot water. Everyone deserves this!
8. Find time to be apart, even if it’s just one hour a day.
9. Expecting every minute to be perfect is like expecting a white knight on a white horse. Everyone has his or her ups and downs. Deal with it!
10. Lastly, hide the wedding ring and cake (or the arsenic and hatchet) until the last day. : :
info: With a Masters of Divinity, Reverend Trinity hosted “Spiritually Speaking,” a weekly radio drama performed globally, and is now minister of sponsor, WIG: Wild Inspirational Gatherings, wigministries.org. Learn more at telltrinity.com.