Hey Trinity,
My ex is mad, not because I dumped him, but because I did it on the phone. With my last breakup, I just wrote an email and that worked fine. Did I do something wrong?
YBThere, Maui, HI

Hey YBThere,
In no book, Bible or contract is it written, “You can dump someone like a wimp, i.e., phone, email voicemail or post-it note. “Ending a healthy relationship is like ripping a nursing baby from its mother’s bosom, especially if you’ve been dating for over a month. In other words, sweetie, you must end it like a doctor telling someone they have cancer, by being present, gentle and ready for tears or anger. Next time do it in person, please, and close to their home so no one gets killed.

Dear Trinity,
I’ve been with my lover for almost a year and it’s still one big drama after another. How can I stop the drama before it destroys our relationship?
Less Drama, Hoboken, NJ

Dear Less Drama,
Unfortunately, some people are born with “drama cells.” So, either get him to meditate, do breathing exercises or spiritually accept “it’s all taken care of,” plus watch his sugar and coffee intake. A glass of wine with meals might help, too. Lastly, darling, let him know that his drama truly rules and ruins: you, him, your relationship and world peace. (Get some valuable advice from reading my cartoon!)

Dearest Trinity,
I’ve been dating a girl who smokes (and smokes and smokes). It’s been six months of avoiding her breath, clothes, hands and ashtrays. Help!
In Cigarette Hell, Austin, TX

Dearest Cigarette Hell,
Dating a smoker means being polite while suffocating. Even the outdoors promises no salvation. Sorry, honey, but it may never go away until a) she quits smoking, b) you begin smoking, c) you create some “smoking rules” or d) you both quit…the relationship. Until then, it might always be, “me, my date and her cigarette.”

Hello Trinity,
I’m 40 and dating a 28-year-old who is great, but still dresses and lives like a student on a student budget. He needs a makeover. How do I tell him?
Makeover Mate, Montreal, Canada

Hello Makeover Mate,
Many students, even 10 years after graduation, don’t realize dorm life is over. If you want this to work, pumpkin, send him flowers with a copy of:

Trinity’s Sensible Tips For What It’s Time To Do By Your 28th Birthday
1. It’s time to move out of your family’s house unless assisting an ailing relative!
2. It’s time to replace those meals of french fries, chips, alcohol and cereals with the adult diet of foods you have to cook.
3. It’s time to rebuild your wardrobe because those old clothes that made you look cool 10 years ago now make you look unemployed!
4. It’s time to fully accept the word hygiene, including daily showers, moisturizers, (unwanted) hair trimmings and twice a year dental cleanings.
5. It’s time to start a healthy lifestyle, which means a) “partying” only for special events and b) needing to “prove” yourself only to people who love you.
6. It’s time to refurbish and repaint. The milk crate cabinets, bed sheet curtains and torn posters never really worked anyway!
7. It’s time to start an exercise plan by getting a jogging partner, a gym membership, joining a sports team and counting your cholesterol.
8. It’s time to start a relationship by actively looking to date, going on dates or finally marrying the guy or girl you’ve dated for the last eight years.
9. It’s time to have a self-sustaining job, pay your own bills
and credit cards and be mature enough to know when to ask for help!
10. Lastly, it’s time to decide who you are. The days of hanging out with best friends at the pinball arcades are over! : :

Dear Loved Readers,
A few weeks ago in the column, “Drag Queens, Cross Dressers and Trannies, Oh My!” I wrote what I thought was an educated piece describing different titles for transgender folks, i.e., drag queens, crossdressers, etc. Well, darlings, it was not totally on the jewel. After living in Montreal, QC, and speaking mostly French for so many years my mind converted the word transgender to “travesti,” the French word mostly used in place of “transgender” (the English translation). There, I have even picketed with French signs saying, “Travesti Égalité” (Transgender Rights). In English, using the word “transvestite” is totally archaic and just plain wrong. In today’s world of transgender politicians, transgender equality and transgender love I should have used the word “transgender not “transvestite” (sounds like “travesti) to describe gay, straight men or women who live as the opposite sex. So please, grab a martini, forgive me and never stop fighting for transgender equality, I know I won’t. Hugs, Trinity!

— With a Masters of Divinity, Reverend Trinity was host of “Spiritually Speaking,” a weekly radio drama, and now performs globally.

info: www.telltrinity.com . Trinity@telltrinity.com
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