Dearest Trinity,

I almost made it to the one-year mark, but my girlfriend couldn’t. I’ve been dumped before, but this time I really was in love. It feels like someone died. I bounce between sad and angry. How long does this feeling last?

Dumped To Death, Savannah, GA

Dearest Dumped To Death,

Being dumped is not only like experiencing a death, it IS a death. And like a death, there are four stages: shock, sadness, anger and, finally, resolution. For a close death it can take as long as a year, but it can take less time if you work at it. Try to give yourself two to four weeks maximum to go through the four stages, then get right back on the dating horse, and start climbing the ladder of life again. Also, sweetie, sleeping lots and watching comedy shows helps too!

Love, Trinity

Dear Trinity,

My boyfriend and I never really com-mitted sexually to each other, but recently he caught me cheating. Now he insists I be monogamous, “or else!” I don’t think I can do it. What should I do?

Monogamy or Your Life, Portland, OR

Dear Monogamy,

Many couples of all shapes and sizes have trouble with monogamy. Being in a relationship does mean compromise, which also means trial and error. You’re not a child who can’t control your actions, you’re a grown–up trying to have a healthy relationship! So, darling, do the best you can and remember, monogamy is one day at a time.

Hugs, Trinity

Hey Trinity,

How long should I date someone before insisting they quit smoking?

Non-Smokers Blues, Quebec City, QC

Hey Non-Smoker’s Blues,

Dating a smoker is hell, I know it well. I’d give it two months… if you can, and, pumpkin, if they don’t offer to quit, or at least go on the electric cigarette, then let them know that you may have to quit… dating!

Good Luck, Trinity

Dearest Trinity,

I’ve been wanting to grow facial hair, and, now that I’m single, I can. Any suggestions?

Facing Facial Hair, Chattanooga, TN

Dearest Facing Facial Hair,

Since famous women keep rein-venting themselves through hair color, famous men are doing the same with facial hair, and you can too! It’s a great way to switch things up with your looks. So, honey, start reading:

Trinity’s Fabulous Tips for Facing Facial Hair

  1. BALD HEADS: Yes, be proud, but also try facial hair to add depth and feature to your face.
  2. GOATEES (hair only around the chin): Fat faces look thinner with goatees because it adds length.
  3. MUSTACHES: For big noses this is an old trick. Plus, it’s back in style, and the most “today” of all facial hair. 
  4. VANDYKES (mustache and goatee): A stylish look but remember, a thin face needs a rounder Vandyke and a round face needs a thinner one.
  5. SIDEBURNS (mutton chops, low or high, thick or long): If you must play with sideburns then, baby, make‘ em look sleek. And when it’s job-hunting time, get rid of ‘em.
  6. CHIN (CHEEK) CURTIANS: To hide fatter cheeks or double chins, grow a thin beard line along the jaw bone to the ear OR under the chin, up the smile lines and across the cheeks to the ear. Try it ‘till you diet!
  7. CHIN CUFF/FLAVOR SAVER (just a bit of hair under the lip): Makes the lower lip look bigger and a good place to start playing with facial hair!
  8. FIVE O’CLOCK SHADOW: Made popular by Don Johnson of Miami Vice. On some it looks great, but on others… well!
  9. FULL BEARDS: This rugged, popular look may be for you. Full or groomed are both in style. Also try a Hollywoodian (shaving under the sideburns). Shampoo regularly, please!
  10. DYED BEARDS: If you insist on aging gracefully, take Metamucil and get Just For Men. In five minutes, you’ll be 10 years younger. Remember, pigment equals youth and health.

With a Masters of Divinity, Reverend Trinity hosted “Spiritually Speaking” a weekly radio drama, performed globally and is now minister of WIG: Wild Inspirational Gatherings. Sponsored by: WIG Ministries, www.wigministries.org Gay Spirituality for the Next Generation! Send e-mails to: Trinity@telltrinity.com

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