Dear Trinity,
I’ve been married for seven years and do not have sex with my wife. I recently met a guy who is having the same problem. Is it wrong if we have sex with each other when both of us are not getting pleasure from our wives?
Just For Sex, Bombay, Marrakech

Dear Just For Sex,
Question: “If two heterosexual men have sex with each other purely for sex then are they cheating on their wives as if they were cheating with another woman?” Answer: Yes, they are absolutely cheating! But, if you must have sex with someone other than your spouse, this may be a gay/happy alternative. In some African tribes, every nine months the women send the men off to the woods to have sex with each other. When the men return they are kinder to each other and to their spouses. So, never forget your responsibilities at home. Oh, and, sweetie, send me the video!

Hey Trinity,
I borrowed something from my roommate and broke it. He doesn’t know I borrowed it and I feel guilty. I don’t have the money to replace it.
Borrowed, Broken & Blue, Philadelphia, PA

Hey Borrowed, Broken & Blue,
It’s so typical not to admit a mistake especially if there are financial consequences. Our parents did it, we do it and courthouses are filled with guilty people who also can’t admit it. Now as for you, why not be a role model for yourself and all of (wo)mankind by coming clean with what you did. Listen, baby, if you ask any truly successful businessperson what they do when they make a mistake they’ll tell you, they admit it and deal with the consequences…well, most of the time! (See my cartoon for how I set it right.)

Dearest Trinity,
It seems like after the first night of sex or the first big fight someone stops calling or wanting to date further. Either I’m guilty of dumping someone or innocent of getting dumped, but anyway it just never works. Is there a better way?
Tired O’the Game, Des Moines, IA

Dearest Tired O’the Game,
You’re right dating is very painful. So, give up, stop trying, stop
taking chances, stop living. Or, why not try reinventing yourself like Liz Taylor and I do every time we walk out of divorce court. This means erasing in your head everything you’ve learned about dating and trying it all again, different and new. It works in Hollywood and it can work for you. Also, releasing in you mind what you know, to start new again, is an ancient Buddhist practice. Remember, pumpkin, when you stop trying, you start dying and the dying process is way more upsetting.

Dearest Trinity,
A friend of a friend told me that you had dinner with Margaret Cho. Well what was she like?
Cho Fan, Provincetown, MA

Dearest Cho Fan,
Yup, I dined with the “Notorious Cho.” She was very polite and kind. Actually, I learned so much that I had to write:

What Trinity Learned From Dining Out With Margaret Cho.
1. Always be nice to anyone who says hello.
2. Stop and take pictures with anyone who asks for a picture with you.
3. When you have to change your plans, give plenty of warning.
4. When the waiter gets star struck don’t say anything to hurt his or her feelings, just be polite.
5. If the chef sends over a complimentary piece of cake, at least eat a bite, even if you don’t want to.
6. And, you don’t have to eat everything you ordered.
7. Work hard and enjoy your life in between shows.
8. Talking about “pussy” is better done on stage.
9. Say “yes” as often as you can.
10. Lastly, always stop to appreciate drag queens, for they are the core of many wonderful things. : :

— With a Masters of Divinity, Reverend Trinity was host of “Spiritually Speaking,” a weekly radio drama, and now performs globally.

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