Dear Trinity,
I consider myself a strict top but recently had an encounter with another “top,” and I’ve been enjoying that side now and then. I find it pleasurable. Yet now I am wondering if this activity makes me a bottom?
Yours, Bottom Blues, Roanoke, VA

Dear Bottom Blues,
I hope you’re sitting down, well at least leaning on something. The truth is yes, shoving, I mean smartly placing a man behind you, stimulating you and receiving pleasure back there, is the exact definition of a “bottom.” Welcome to Kansas, Dorothy! But Toto, if you also like fudge packing, (oh God I didn’t just say that) I mean “topping,” then you simply have become a healthy, smart and open minded “versatile” man. Sorry… and congratulations!
Love, Trinity

Dearest Trinity,
I’m a great partner. I come home early, do all the bills, even cook great meals, but we don’t have sex anymore. It’s been nine months. What am I doing wrong?
Domestically Sexless, Omaha, NE

Dearest Domestic,
Newsflash, being domestic has nothing to do with sexual enticement. It makes for a great lifestyle but not a great love life. Watching you do chores is un-sexually stimulating unless of course, why not start cleaning, cooking and paying bills in something more sexy, alluring and naughty. Think undergarments, uniforms and more. Honey, think turning your home into a XXX movie. Think vavoom!

Hey Trinity,
I went to the bar, sat next to a really cute guy and we spent hours talking. He was great until he got up to leave. It was then that I discovered he was handicapped. Now I’ve committed to a date, and I’m not sure if I want to. Am I evil?
Handicapped Man, Indianapolis, IN

Hey Handicapped,
In life we make choices, no different than if you found out he had a huge pecker, was a millionaire or only spoke French. If you’re not into him because of whatever, then you’re not into him, period. But maybe, just maybe you could go out with him, not because you feel bad for him, but because you feel bad for your own unadventurous, narrow-minded ways. Darling, he may end up being a French millionaire with a huge pecker!
Be adventurous, Trinity

Hello Trinity,
I fell in love but she lives 1500 miles away. Help?
Yours, 1500, Memphis, TN

Hello 1500,
Surely, I can help you, but you may not want to read this. Relationships are tough enough, but 1500 miles of, well, start reading:

Trinity’s Negative Tips for Being in a Long-Distance Relationship

  1. You’ll always WONDER what it’s like to live with someone, wake up with someone or have someone’s daily kisses.
  2. You’ll know way too much BOREDOM, way too much loneliness and far too much private time for someone who is “supposedly” in a relationship.
  3. You’ll NEVER TRULY know multiple nights, weeks and months of being part of a “team,” a “romantic couple” or part of a “home.”
  4. You’ll always MISS those fun-silly-simple nights together.
  5. And you’ll NEVER BE ABLE to keep an eye on him, her or each other so… anything at any time can happen (don’t cry yet, there’s more).,
  6. Most of your personal and relationship issues will be DEALT WITH over Facetime, Skype, Zoom or emails.
  7. One of you will always be leaving, thus never REALLY HAVING that “perfect” family.
  8. You may also AT TIMES FEEL LIKE why bother dressing sexy, cooking a nice meal or playing romantic music when you’re… living alone.
  9. And you’re LEFT ON YOUR OWN (once again) to completely take care of everything that needs fixing or to be paid for (don’t blame me, I’m just writing this stuff!).
  10. Lastly, you’ll always be WONDERING, “Why in God’s name do I always feel single even though I’m not?” (Now you can cry!)

With a Masters of Divinity, Reverend Trinity hosted Spiritually Speaking, a weekly radio drama, performed globally and is now minister of WIG: Wild Inspirational Gatherings. Sponsored by: WIG Ministries, Gay Spirituality for the Next Generation!
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