I’m not unattractive, but I’m attracted to guys way out of my league. How do I meet, and eventually date, someone way better looking than me?
Upping The Ante?, Peoria, IL
Hey Upping The Ante,
Everyday people date others “out of their league” simply because someone had the guts to say, “hello.” Yes, while looking your best is important, it’s more about how you talk to someone and mentally psyching yourself up to make it happen. Failure and rejection are part of life, just like acceptance and success, so start with a fearless mindset. Also, why not have a professional makeover to look better than you think you do. Next, learn some smart/witty lines from others for striking up a conversation. And, lastly, buy ‘em a drink. Pumpkin, very attractive people can also make bad lovers so stay open-minded!
I’ve been dumped again and it’s taking its toll on me. What am I supposed to do, make believe I’m happy when I’m really sad?
So Sad, Fire Island, NY
Hello So Sad,
Well, yes and no. No, when you’re sad, never avoid it. Get into it
100 percent. Also, sleep and find friends to let it out with then, as quick as you can, snap out of it. And, yes, practice making believe what it was like to be happy until eventually you feel more happy than sad. Hey, honey, if actors can “create,” fake or act a feeling, so can you. Fake it till you make it!
(Pictures are worth 100 words. See my cartoon on my way of dealing with this issue.)
Sometimes my mouth doesn’t say what my brain is thinking.Recently on a date, I kept saying the wrong thing. What’s the best way to apologize?
My Big Fat Mouth, Portland, ME
Listen Big Mouth,
Send flowers, emails and letters of apology. Be consistent in begging for forgiveness and don’t debate someone when receiving their comments. Communicate what happened, how you’re working on getting better and how it “won’t ever happen again.” And, when you’re face-to-face, lower your head, bat your eyes, push out your lower lip and say, “I’m sorry, baby!” Works for me every time!
Just cause I’m single, do I always have to look the part? Must I always be selling myself?
A Bachelor’s Life, Orlando, FL
Dearest Bachelor’s Life,
If business people have to look the part to succeed, so do you with dating. It’s called dressing for success. Also, success means having a list of commitments or declarations. That’s why I created:
Trinity’s Concrete Declarations For Being A Good Bachelor(ette)
1. Presentation: I promise to always appear groomed, well dressed and clean.
2. Self-esteem: I promise to work on being less shy, less boring, less of a couch potato and less defensive.
3. Manners: I promise to be polite, considerate and respectful to the time, money and imperfections of other people.
4. Integrity: I promise to return phone calls and emails, be on time and communicate clearly if I can’t.
5. Trust: I promise to trust my path in life, to trust uncomfortable, negative or challenging situations, to trust my dreams and to trust my intuition.
6. Environment: I promise to keep my living space presentable, even if it means hiring someone once a month to help me look less like a slob.
7. Education: I promise to continually work on my social skills plus the skills of cooking, cleaning, dressing, etiquette and being a better person.
8. Self-growth: I promise to work on my self-respect, self-confidence and self-esteem.
9. Health: I promise to exercise, sleep and eat well, take time off from stress and think positive thoughts.
10. Lastly, action: I promise at least once a week to go to a singles event or club that will help me meet other singles. : :
— With a Masters of Divinity, Reverend Trinity was host of “Spiritually Speaking,” a weekly radio drama, and now performs globally.
This piece appeared in the April 17, 2010-April 30, 2010 print edition.